Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 17 - "An Immodest Proposal"

What's one more child to not support?

On Radio Slade...

SLADE SMILEY - And now that I've exhausted the list of synonyms for "plastic" to call Vicki, let's take a music break.

KELLY - Not so fast. I've got a song I'd like to play for you.

SLADE SMILEY - Ok, but don't forget who's the boss here on...  Radio Slade!

KELLY - We're off the air. You can stop talking in that voice. **plays song, music fills the air**

SONG  - "Wanna spend my life with yoouuuuuu.... Marry meeeeee......"

SLADE SMILEY - Ugh, whose disgusting orifice is excreting these piece of shit sounds?

KELLY - I'll give you one guess. It's somebody who wants to marry you.


KELLY - No. Just put on a tux and get in a helicopter.

SLADE SMILEY - Man, if I'd have known this is what the working world is like, I would have started a long time ago.


Slade is flown to a high-rise building, where Gretchen awaits...

SLADE SMILEY -  Hey, who exhumed Marilyn Monroe and put her on top of this building?

GRETCHEN ROSSI - Slade, it's me. Gretchen. 

SLADE SMILEY - I know. It was a commentary on the way you styled your... nevermind. What the fuck are we doing up here?

GRETCHEN ROSSI - I'm here to ask you for your hand in marriage.

SLADE SMILEY - Does that mean you're willing to pay off all of my debt?

GRETCHEN ROSSI - C'mon, I'm not a miracle worker.

SLADE SMILEY - Ok, fine. Off to the courthouse we go! **starts to leave**

GRETCHEN ROSSI - But wait! I planned a party with all of our friends and family downstairs. Kent's here!

SLADE SMILEY - Kent? My cracker be-mulleted brother I haven't seen in 15 years?


SLADE SMILEY - Off to the courthouse we go! **leaves**

At Vicki's Winter Wonderland Party...

VICKI GUNVALSON - Welcome to my redone home, everybody! Please grab a Hot Pocket and come admire the fit and function of my white dress.

JIM BELLINO - Yeah, I'm out. **leaves**

VICKI GUNVALSON - Somebody clearly doesn't know how to give a compliment.

TAMRA BARNEY - Before Gretchen gets here, let's all air out our beefs with her and get it out of our systems.

ALEXIS BELLINO - Too bad Jim left. If there's one thing he's good at, it's airing out beefs from his system.

HEATHER DUBROW - I, for one, am bothered by Gretchen's insistence that she's fit to share air space with one Miss REBA MCENTIRE. I am clearly the only housewife suited for that honor.

TAMRA BARNEY - I don't like how she's always all "you can't be friends with Vicki", and I'm all "whatever, I do what I want!" and she's all "tell me your problems" and I'm all "I tried to killed myself when I was 21."

HEATHER DUBROW - Have you ever considered a career as a speechwriter?

TAMRA BARNEY - Once or twice.

ALEXIS BELLINO - Well, as for me, I value loyalty above all else. And Gretchen hasn't been loyal enough to appreciating the fact that my husband and I own six cars. With friends like that, who needs six cars?  

VICKI GUNVALSON - I've just always hated the bitch. Bloody Piggy, anybody?

GRETCHEN ROSSI - **enters** Hey, gang! I made it!



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