Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Episode 6 - "Jen & Skylar"

Nev and Max wake up at the Hampton Inn...

NEV SCHULMAN - Our next letter is from Jen. She was born in 1995, which I thought was safely out of the "people named Jen" era.

MAX JOSEPH - Last week we met someone named "Raffinee". That's all I'll contribute to the subject.

NEV SCHULMAN -  **reads** "Dear Nev. People always made fun of me, so I turned to online gaming to give them even more ammunition. Also, I live In Iowa."

MAX JOSEPH - Ouch. Already two strikes against her.

NEV SCHULMAN - "But then I met Skylar Hazen, and once he referred to me as his "boo", it was all over."

MAX JOSEPH - Were they playing an Usher-themed game?

NEV SCHULMAN - Max, I've got bad news for you. We're going to Iowa.

Max and Nev meet Jen in Fort Madison, IA...

JEN - Hi, I'm Jen.

MAX JOSEPH  - You seem normal enough.

JEN  - Wait until you see how I interact with my dog.

NEV SCHULMAN - What do you like about Skylar?

JEN - Well, I mentioned in my letter that he calls me boo.

MAX JOSEPH - Ok. And...?

JEN - Yeah. Boo.

NEV SCHULMAN - Ok, let us do some really rudimentary internet research and see what we can find.

JEN - Here's a professional photograph of a brooding hipster, if you think it will help.


Max and Nev lay potato chips on the table to begin their research...

NEV SCHULMAN -  I have the best idea. Let's call the registrar at his school to see if Skylar's really a student!

MAX JOSEPH - Dude, you're like on Shaft levels with that shit!

NEV SCHULMAN   - Pretty hardcore, I know. **dials registrar** Hi, does Skylar go there?

SUZANNE, THE SF STATE REGISTRAR - These kids were born in the 90s. They're all named Skylar.

MAX JOSEPH - Damn it. Now we'll need even more intense research tactics.

NEV SCHULMAN - I got it!  Let's google his full name - in quotes! **they find Facebook pic of big dork in Nebraska**  For her sake, I hope it's not him.

MAX JOSEPH - For MTV's sake, I hope it IS him so they don't have to pay to fly us all to San Francisco.

NEV SCHULMAN - **calls Skylar Hazen** Hi, are you the Skylar Hazen who uses terms of endearment popular in the African-American community?

SKYLAR HAZEN - No. I only talk to chicks with big tits in their avatar.

NEV SCHULMAN   - That settles that, I guess.

The fake Skylar (Bryan) agrees to meet with them in San Francisco...

BRYAN - **comes down the stairs** Sup. 
NEV SCHULMAN - You're clearly not a brooding hipster surrounded by multi-ethnic friends. Who are you and why did you do this?

BRYAN -  I'm trying to brush up on my game. In Mystery's book "The Pick-Up Artist", he recommends practicing on less-hot chicks.

NEV SCHULMAN   - Mystery died of AIDS In 2007. Not somebody you want to take advice from.

MAX JOSEPH - You come off looking like a total asshole from this move. Don't you realize nobody will want to date you now?

BRYAN - Dude, even Slade from Real Housewives gets more poon than he can handle. I'll be alright.

NEV SCHULMAN - I just hope next time you use the word "boo", you recognize how very seriously some people take it.

BRYAN - Oh, I will. 

**Jen, Max and Nev frolic in Golden Gate Park, and all is well**



  1. I live in Fort Madison Iowa and we are very protective of our people, let that asshole come here and try acting fake like that... We're just a stone's throw away from the Mississippi river where the real catfish are big enough to swallow him whole.


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