Monday, July 1, 2013

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 13 - "Wedding Dress Stress"

Heather's popularity is rising in homes without premium channels.

Heather calls Terry on the way to LA...

HEATHER DUBROW - Guess what?!?

TERRY DUBROW -  You got anther spot on a mediocre basic cable sitcom?

HEATHER DUBROW - Yes. Way to suck the life out of an announcement.

TERRY DUBROW - Sorry. Well, good for you! I love Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns!

HEATHER DUBROW - I'm white, idiot. It's Malibu Country starring Reba McEntire.

TERRY DUBROW - What a coincidence. I'm about to cut someone's face up to make them look more like Reba McEntire.

HEATHER DUBROW - Ok nice talking to you. **hangs up** Fucking jackass.

The women talk in the dress shop while Tamra tries on dresses...

LAURI WARING PETERSON - Vicki, Brooks has been... eating breakfast with someone.

VICKI GUNVALSON - "Eating breakfast"? Like, fucking for money with a barely legal porn star he met at a poker party?

LAURI WARING PETERSON  - Damn, you're intuitive.

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN -  Lauri, we're wedding dress shopping for Tamra. Is this really the place to have this discussion?

LAURI WARING PETERSON -  Pssh, it's a third wedding. We should be at Ross looking for a pantsuit.

TAMRA BARNEY - **jumps out of dressing room in wedding dress** Tada!

VICKI GUNVALSON - **starts sobbing**

TAMRA BARNEY - That bad, huh?

ALEXIS BELLINO -  She's just crying because Brooks fucks whores. 

VICKI GUNVALSON - No, that really is a hideous dress. Burn it.

The women eat at Border Grill afterwards...

TAMRA BARNEY - Even though Gretchen sullied my experience by antagonizing my new BFF Alexis and wearing red, I still managed to buy the sluttiest QuinceaƱera dress I could find for a mere ten grand. So I'd say today was a success!

HEATHER DUBROW - I'm so happy for you. Now back to me. I'm gonna be on Malibu Country!


VICKI GUNVALSON - What the fuck's that?

HEATHER DUBROW - It's with Reba McEntire?

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - I thought that was called Reba.

HEATHER DUBROW - No, that was Reba.


TAMRA BARNEY - Um... cool!

SUSAN FENIGER - **approaches table** You guys all enjoying your food?


SUSAN FENIGER - Great! Time for dessert! **dumps placenta on their plates, they all vomit**


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