Monday, July 15, 2013

Princesses: Long Island Recap, Episode 7 - "Who Are You, The Pope?"

Jeff Hoffman is considering getting married. To a GIRL.

 At La Casa Babs...

AMANDA BERTONCINI - We need to talk. Jeff and I are getting married.

BABS, AMANDA'S MOM - So he proposed?!

AMANDA BERTONCINI - No. But when I went to lunch with his parents and admired his mom's ring, he didn't say anything.

BABS - Sounds like you've got the communication part of the relationship down pat.

AMANDA BERTONCINI - Don't be jealous, Ma.  

BABS  - Me, jealous of my own flesh and blood?

AMANDA BERTONCINI  - Yeah. You'll still be living in this sad huge house while Jeff and I move to West Hollywood.

BABS - West Hollywood?

AMANDA BERTONCINI - That's where he wants to go. Or Chelsea.

BABS  - I just think you should give it a year before making a firm commitment.

AMANDA BERTONCINI - Why? What could I possibly not know after six months? Hey, is that Chanel eyeshadow in Prelude? It's Jeff's favorite!!!

BABS - Oh yeah? How... nice. All I ask is that you wait one year. It took Katie Holmes four years before she realized it.

AMANDA BERTONCINI - Realized what?


AMANDA BERTONCINI - - Nobody else knows the Jeff I know.

BABS -  That's for sure.

Chanel goes on a date in Brooklyn with Nati...

BEST MAN NATI - So how does it feel to be the pathetic older sister still living at home while your much younger sister gets married?

CHANEL OMARI - My, aren't you charming?

BEST MAN NATI - Yes. Have I told you you look sexy? That's my signature.

CHANEL OMARI  - Six times. I'm beginning to wonder if that's all you got in your arsenal.

BEST MAN NATI  - Well, you also look sturdy enough to balance an infant while ironing my Affliction shirts. **winks**

CHANEL OMARI   - You can't iron your own shirts from 2007? 

BEST MAN NATI Who has time after driving twenty minutes to watch bridesmaids try on dresses Nathan Lane wouldn't even wear in The Birdcage? I work hard enough.

CHANEL OMARI  - **ignoring him** Good hummus.

BEST MAN NATI - Have I told you you look sexy?

Ashlee and Joey meet to talk out their differences...

JOEY LAUREN - Erica and Amanda told me you've been texting them.

ASHLEE WHITE - Duh, I always need a second opinion on which hairstyle will best disguise my cone head.

JOEY LAUREN - No, texting them about me.

ASHLEE WHITE  - Oh. Right.

JOEY LAUREN  - What did I ever do to you?

ASHLEE WHITE - Number one, you asked men about their penis size at speed dating. It's SPEED DATING! Show some RESPECT!

JOEY LAUREN  - That's it?

ASHLEE WHITE - And B, you're from Freeport. You're, like, upper middle class!


ASHLEE WHITE - Roman numeral four, Kissamint is STUPID.

JOEY LAUREN - So do all these things really make me a bad person?  

ASHLEE WHITE - I ran it past my dad, and he says yes.

JOEY LAUREN - Well... **searching for a gentle insult because it's just too easy**'re funny looking.

ASHLEE WHITE - Oh yeah?  FUCK YOU! I'm so mad I could... PAY FOR YOUR DRINK! **pays for drink, calls dad in parking lot**


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