Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Episode 3 - "Ramon & Paola"


I think that's the first stainless steel appliance we've ever seen on this show.



In Bullhead City, Arizona, Max and Nev meet Ramon...

RAMON PONCE - My life is tough, man. I live rent-free with my dad and have a full-time job.

NEV SCHULMAN - That IS tough.

RAMON PONCE - Thanks, I know. So I turned to the internet to get my kicks. This is Paola. **shows monitor with pic of Paola**

MAX JOSEPH - **winks** Hola, Paola.

RAMON - She works at Sephora and has an irrational fear of video-chat systems. Basically, my dream girl.



NEV SCHULMAN  - **seeing picture** Damn. **looks down at his pants** Down, boy.

RAMON  - The problem is that I gave her my bank account info -

NEV SCHULMAN - **chokes on coffee**

RAMON - And she won't even let me see her nose, let alone her fuzzy treasure.

MAX JOSEPH**chokes on coffee** Excuse me?

RAMON - That's the name I use for the hair on the nape of the neck.

NEV SCHULMAN - Well, we're gonna get you that fuzzy treasure, Ramon. Let's make like Ponce de Leon and head to Northern Florida.

RAMON  - Who?  

NEV SCHULMAN  - Forget it.




In Deltona, Florida, the men meet the real Paola...

LOYDA - Hi, I'm Loyda.

RAMON - I know.

NEV SCHULMAN- Wait - you KNOW?!?

RAMON - Shit, I meant, who replaced my Sephora beauty with this McDonald's-employed nugget?! The outrage! I demand a recount!

MAX JOSEPH - So you already knew Loyda was who you were chatting with, but you made us fly to this swampy shit hole any way??

LOYDA - Hey, I resent that. This is a great community.

NEV SCHULMAN - Why are we even here? 

RAMON - Well, I also kinda need to reclaim all the stuff I sent her, so there's that...






They sit down in the living room with Loyda, her mother, and brother...

RAMON - Can I have my Wii Fit back? Doesn't look like you've been using it.  

LOYDA  - Fine.

RAMON  - And my three grand would be nice, too.

LOYDA - The three grand is, uh, indisposed.

NEV SCHULMAN - What's that on your finger?

LOYDA SR, LOYDA'S MOM - Mi hija is ENGAGED. Ramon sent her the ring in the mail.

LOYDA - No, he didn't, mom. I sent it to myself.

LOYDA SR, LOYDA'S MOM - Mi hija is a trustworthy, honest girl.

LOYDA -  I'm actually a huge liar.

LOYDA SR, LOYDA'S MOM - She is thin, beautiful, and sexually alluring.

MAX JOSEPH - Ok, at this point I think it's safe to say this woman be cray.






Ramon and Loyda sit on the couch alone together...

LOYDA - So what now?

RAMON - I guess since we've spent so much time talking to each other, we might as well see how things are face to face.

LOYDA - Ok, great! **takes off all her clothes, tries to mount him** 

RAMON - NO, I MEANT AS FRIENDS!!!!

LOYDA - Oh. **sits back down on the couch, nude** Well, this is embarrassing.





Three months later, Nev and Joseph video chat with Ramon...

NEV SCHULMAN - What's new with you Ramon?

RAMON - Well, I sprouted some new body hair - **pulls down shorts**

NEV SCHULMAN - **closes window** Yikes! Don't need to see that.  Let's move on to Loyda. Hi, Loyda!

LOYDA - Hi, guys! Great news - I've got a new boo, who accepts me for me.

MAX JOSEPH - **to Nev** I don't get it, man. How am I still single and this... person... found someone in three months?!

NEV SCHULMAN - Try Just For Men.


THE END

3 comments:

  1. Now that the Manti Teo scandal has made Catfishing a mainstream term, I was kind of hoping this show would up the ante somehow...not sure how, but I would think they would have a bigger budget, but this is more of the same. Not that it's bad, would've just liked to see it go to the next level. The one thing I DID notice about this episode is that it's clear more people are watching the show and really wanting to be on it - case in point, Ramon - it's so obvious he wanted to be on the show no matter what.

    On a side note, I loved that they played "San Francisco" by The Mowgli's when Nev and Max head out to Arizona to meet Ramon in person. That song has become my summer 2013 jam.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know how they're going to pull off future seasons of this show now that it's so popular. Maybe Nev and Max can start Catfishing people, and we can all watch to see how long it takes them to figure it out. And then laugh at them.

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  2. Ramon is so attractive I would be honest to him and I live in Laughlin navada I also work at one of the casinos on casino dr

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