Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Catfish Recap, Episode 1 - "Cassie & Steve"

Study hard, kids, so your friends don't make up fake people to seduce you with.

In North Miami, FL, Nev and Max meet with Cassie...

MAX - So tell us why you're stupid enough to become engaged to someone you've never met.

NEV - Max, that's rude! But really - tell us why you're that stupid.

CASSIE - Well, for one, we have such sexy, hot convos. **shows screen**
Steven: "Baby, get your study on so you can graduate and get promoted at the radio station."

NEV -  Hmmm, I can definitely see how that turns you on.

CASSIE - Look at this one. I think I need a cold shower.
Steven: "Girl, make sure to eat a hearty breakfast to regulate your blood sugar level so you'll ace your afternoon exam!" 
MAX - Damn, you read filth like that as the portrait of your raised-by-nuns grandmother looks on?

CASSIE - My dad was shot in the head in Haiti, so please shut up.

MAX - Will do.

Nev and Max do their due diligence, and confront Cassie with the results...

NEV - So those sweet sounds you've been touching yourself to? They're not from S-Killa. They're from YnotpartY.

MAX - Which might be a good thing - S-Killa is sort of a scary name.

NEV - And obvi the hot photos you've been looking at are a professional model. You've seen Catfish before.

CASSIE - So what does it all mean?

MAX - It probably means your chunky friends who likes pickles is punking you.

CASSIE - Gladys? But why would she do that?

GLADYS - **pops out from behind bushes** YOU WERE NEGLECTING YOUR STUDIES!!!!

CASSIE - Valid concern. I get it.

Cassie confronts Gladys's cousin Tony, who was impersonating Steve on the phone...

CASSIE - I feel so violated. We had phone sex! 

COUSIN TONY - Well, it was more like you masturbating after I talked about studying. You really like to discuss school.

CASSIE -  I'm so embarrassed!

COUSIN TONY  - Don't be embarrassed. I'd non-phone bang you, too.

CASSIE - Not happening.

COUSIN TONY - Worth a shot.

After Cassie and Gladys make up, Nev wraps things up with Gladys...

NEV - So, uh, one quick question - are you into chicks?

GLADYS -  Jury's still out.

NEV - That's what I figured.


1 comment:

  1. You are funny! I want to read your recaps for all the episodes!


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