 |
| Desiree's heart and mouth are wide open. |
A young child steps out of the limo...
BRODY - Hi. I'm Brody, I'm four, and I'm ready to fuck.
DESIREE HARTSOCK - That's, um, super cute.
BEN SCOTT, BRODY'S DAD - Thanks. He practiced all night. P.S. - He's not the only person who can do something all night.
DESIREE HARTSOCK - Uh... wow. So are you divorced, separated... ?
BEN SCOTT - Nah, my slam piece's IUD fell out after a morning sesh of bare-backin'. Nine months later, I got a call from the hospital. I didn't show up, though - Daddy needs a paternity test before he'll leave the house during Sons of Anarchy.
DESIREE HARTSOCK - **pushes him along** Ok great see you inside!
Des kicks around a soccer ball with Juan Pablo...
JUAN PABLO - Hola. Me llamo es Juan Pablo, y me gusta soccer and sexo con mis sobrinas.
DESIREE HARTSOCK - Sounds great to me!
DIOGO - **wearing a suit of armor** But he just said he loves soccer and sex with his nieces!
DESIREE HARTSOCK - Beat it, D'Artagnan.
Inside the mansion, Des meets with her suitors...
JONATHAN - M'lady, please accompany me to the fantasy suite.
DESIREE HARTSOCK - No. And my name is Des.
JONATHAN - But I fluffed throw pillows and did a quick swipe over the accent tables with my hands.
DESIREE HARTSOCK - How dare you! I'm not that type of girl, despite trying out twenty men for size on a network that also features Mark Cuban.
JONATHAN - No, it's not like a real fantasy suite, it's just a private room where we can talk.
DESIREE HARTSOCK - Without cameras? You pig! **pushes him out the door, men cheer**
CHRIS HARRISON - Nice work, Des. Next time someone propositions you about doing something without cameras present, kick 'em to the curb.
DESIREE HARTSOCK - Duh.
Zak steps out of the limo without a shirt on...
ZAK WADDELL - Des, will you accept these abs?
DESIREE HARTSOCK - Sure, if I can leave the rest of you behind.
ZAK WADDELL - . I mean, if there was a way to separate my abdominal muscles from the rest of my body, yeah, of course I'd do it for you, but -
DESIREE HARTSOCK - CHRIS! **Chris Harrison leads out two men holding butcher knives**
ZAK WADDELL - Noooooooo! **they hold him down**
Des meets Will from Chicago...
WILL - Hey, I'm the Black Guy. **high-fives her** Guess we'll be getting to know each other for at least two episodes.
DESIREE HARTSOCK- Yep. Despite there only being one of you and your extremely light skin, I still gotta keep you around so nobody thinks I'm a racist.
WILL - So you're open to dating me?
DESIREE HARTSOCK- Absolutely not. I just don't want anybody to think I'm a racist.
THE END.
No comments:
Post a Comment