Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Real World Portland Recap, Episode 10 - "Sins of the Flesh (Eaters)

Bitches all thirsty and junk.
Ashley hits on Marlon at Splash...

MARLON - I'm sorry, bi-sexual lady. I just can't.

ASHLEY - But I wore my Rock & Republics tonight.

MARLON - I know, and as much as I appreciate the effort, my faith will only permit anal sex with a male cheerleader.

ASHLEY  - What if I told you I had short hair in high school school and wished I was a cheerleader?

MARLON - Deal. **they fuck**

Back at the house, Jessica prepares for a visit from Tyler...

NIA - Why are there pictures of you and Tyler all over the room?

JESSICA - Because I'm moving to Portland to be with him and we're going to be engaged in August and then have a wedding in North Carolina in my mom's yard.

NIA - Oh. Does he know any of this?

JESSICA - Subconsciously, yes. Even though he's never even felt my cooter bone, we have a deep connection that transcends words.

ANASTASIA "BIRD" - And you're going to let him see the picture of you two in a frame that says "Family"?

JESSICA  - Of course. Why wouldn't I?

NIA  - Aw shit. **starts eating popcorn** This is gonna be gooooood.

Averey chats up a "bar regular" at Schmizza...

BAR REGULAR - I'm from Massachusetts.

AVEREY - That's funny because I'm moving to Massachusetts!

BAR REGULAR - Don't move to Massachusetts.

AVEREY - Why, what's wrong with Massachusetts?

JOHNNY - **approaches** SLUT! I see you flirting with this man and discussing sexy topics!!!

AVEREY -  Like Massachusetts?

JOHNNY - Yes, it's a very sexy state! Even Puritans had sex in Massachusetts, even though it was purely for reproductive purposes. WHORE!

AVEREY  - Johnny, please don't be mad.

JOHNNY  - How can I not be mad when you're existing and talking, like a common PROSTITUTE!

AVEREY  - I'll do anything to make it better. I'll give you bee jays in a Rajon Rondo costume. I'll be your indentured servant as was once common in colonial Massachusetts. I'll... TAKE YOU TO ZOMBIE CAMP!

JOHNNY  - Now we're talkin'.

 Marlon approaches Jess on the fire escape...

MARLON - Why the long face?

JESSICA - Tyler dumped me. After all the time I spent in the Walgreens photo department!

MARLON - I'm depressed, too. I wrote a song about my dad and then directly disrespected him by having vaginal intercourse with a woman.

JESSICA  - But he was cool when you did anal with a dude?

MARLON  - Yeah, that's never been an issue. Hey, wanna go to church where we can be comforted by the fact that the bums who hang out by the steps have it worse than us?

JESSICA - Sounds great. But first, I'd like to help you record a song where the hook is "Bitches all thirsty and junk."

MARLON - Portland local hip-hop super-stardom, here we come! 

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