Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 7 - "Whines by Wives"

Talkin' 'bout the D-word.

At the windowless Dubrow estate...

HEATHER DUBROW - I do so much for this family, and all I get from you is jokes.

TERRY DUBROW - And a black Amex, windowless mansion, and cake with a half-eaten bow.

HEATHER DUBROW - Well, yeah, but mentioning those things doesn't really further our story line.

TERRY DUBROW  - I said I was sorry. I don't know what more I can do.
HEATHER DUBROW - Sorry doesn't make up for the long hours I spent watching Jeopardy in the bedroom while the nanny tutored, clothed, bathed, tutored and tutored our children!

TERRY DUBROW - You said "tutored", like, eight times.

HEATHER DUBROW - Don't you get it?!? Only I am allowed to point out your mistakes, NOT the other way around!!!!!

TERRY DUBROW -  You're right. The jokes are over. No more Good Time Charlie.


TERRY DUBROW -  I dunno, just sounds like a name I'd like to be called.

HEATHER DUBROW - Well, whatever you do, do not mention this argument to anybody.

TERRY DUBROW - Ok, I can do that.


The next day, in front of everyone in Malibu...

TERRY DUBROW - Hey, everybody! We're having problems and talking divorce!

HEATHER DUBROW - There's no need for a divorce, because I'm about to be a widow.



At the opening day of Sky Zone Anaheim

JIM BELLINO -  I can't believe all these people showed up for Sky Zone's opening day.

ALEXIS BELLINO - It's almost like they knew there would be Bravo cameras here!

JIM BELLINO - No. It is because they all have an innate desire to jump, and I am the one who fulfilled that innate desire to jump. Do I have killer intuition, or is my hairline receding?


JIM BELLINO -  Yep. And just imagine. In ten years, we will have sold enough Sky Zone admission tickets to pay for the best plugs money can buy.

ALEXIS BELLINO - I knew you had a long term plan. Just like ditching me when I start to get jowly.

JIM BELLINO - Uh huh. This is what life's about, right here. Smiling faces, bouncing pubescent breast buds, and a head full of Indian person hair. **they kiss**

At a Malibu winery...

VICKI GUNVALSON - **to winery owners** Hey, are you guys lovers? Do you fuck n' stuff on the daily? Maybe a lick lick here and a flick flick there?

DAD WINERY OWNER - We're father and daughter.



VICKI GUNVALSON - What? They're all valid questions. I'm just trying to get to know them.

TAMRA BARNEY - Well, stop.

VICKI GUNVALSON - **to daughter winery owner** Hey, how old are you anyway?


VICKI GUNVALSON - Wow. You look much older. But that's a good thing! Older people collect social security and get their asses wiped for them!

TAMRA BARNEY - **swipes Vicki's wine** You're cut off.

VICKI GUNVALSON  - Jeez. Sorry I'm so honest.


The next day, at a Malibu wine tasting for Wine by Wives....

TAMRA BARNEY - I feel just like Jamie Kennedy. Fill er up!

VICKI GUNVALSON - Hey, I gotta go. I'm meeting Diane and John John in LA for dinner.

TAMRA BARNEY  - But this is business.

VICKI GUNVALSON  - I've had these plans for six months.

TAMRA BARNEY - I bet if you were here on Vicki's Vodka business, you'd stay.

VICKI GUNVALSON - I told you, I've had these plans for three months!

TAMRA BARNEY -  Just leave, bitch. More wine for me. **chugs, drafts a cyst and deceased before throwing the remainder at Jeana Keough**

VICKI GUNVALSON  - Uh, you're so season six. **leaves**

EDDIE JUDGE - **enters with Slade, all sweaty** Hey, we're back from our six-hour, uh, "bike ride." 

SLADE SMILEY - Hey, where'd Vicki go? Now that all the testosterone has been drained from my body, from, um, "riding a bike", I think I can handle her.  

TAMRA BARNEY - She left. We got in a fight.

EDDIE JUDGE - Aw, that's too bad. Say, Slade, want to ride again tomorrow? Maybe for eight hours this time?  

SLADE SMILEY - More than anything in this world.


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