Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Dance Moms Recap, Episode 18 - "Candy Apples Showdown"

There's no crying in robot dancing.

Anthony presides over Candy Apples rehearsal of the magician number...

CHOREOGRAPHER ANTHONY - NO!!! Don't just lightly push him, THROW HIM ACROSS THE ROOM!!!!

CATHY NESBITT-STEIN -  Now, now, Anthony. Is that really the best way to communicate with children?

ANTHONY - What would you recommend, Super Nanny? Bribes of unlimited Nacho Cheese Slim Jims?

CATHY NESBITT-STEIN - Well, it seems to always works for Vivi...

VIVI-ANNE STEIN - True dat. **bites off a huge portion of jerky**

ANTHONY - I am a genius, Cathy, and a genius needs full cooperation and obedience.

JALEN TESTERMAN'S DAD, RICK - If you're such a genius, why are you stuck working with an 11-year-old who only knows how to spin on his head? No offense, Jalen.


ANTHONY - Did you just go there? I'm very sensitive about my failed career working with adult dancers, ok?

RICK  TESTERMAN - Yes, I did just go there!!!! **gets out of his seat**

CATHY NESBITT-STEIN - Gentleman, please! We're from Ohio, remember? How about a little pride?

RICK  TESTERMAN - Actually, none of us are from Ohio. You recruited all of us from other states.

CATHY NESBITT-STEIN - I guess you're right. Carry on then. **Jalen's dad and Anthony kill each other**

In the mother's room at Abby Lee Miller's rehearsal...

JILL VERTES, KENDALL'S MOM - Too bad Asia had to go and cry after not being chosen to perform on The View. Must be so embarrassing for you as her mother.  

KRISTIE RAY, ASIA'S MOM -  Those weren't tears. Sheri Shepard was doing jumping jacks above her before call time. Girl sure does perspire.

CHRISTI LUKASIAK, CHLOE'S MOM - C'mon, Kristie. Admit that your kid was butt hurt.

KRISTIE RAY - **gets out of her chair** DON'T TALK ABOUT MY DAUGHTER'S BUTT!

**Christi and Kristie get into an extended verbal fight**

ABBY LEE MILLER - Hey, what's going on here? If there were two people I'd expect to get along, it'd be women whose parents lacked the originality to name them something other than Christi.

JILL VERTES - Not-white Kristie won't admit that her daughter has the same low-level of professionalism as Kendall. White Christi disagrees, and so do I.

ABBY LEE MILLER - I'll have you all know that Asia Ray is very professional, as evidenced by her refusal to participate in the barbaric and disgusting activity called "ice skating." In fact, I've also hired her to do my taxes.

ASIA MONET RAY - Bad news. You're being audited.



At the competition in New Jersey, Cathy and Anthony talk in the audience while Abby's dancers perform...

CATHY - This ought to be good. I don't see how anything Abby Lee Miller produces could compare with dueling magicians from differing socioeconomic statuses and a doctor who either killed himself or killed a patient.

ANTHONY - I love what a firm grasp you have on the meaning of my pieces.

CATHY - They make a hell of a lot more sense than a robot popping and locking to a song called Love Crimes, that's for sure.

**Abby Lee's dancers take the stage and begin dancing**

ANTHONY - **yells out** BOOOOO! Paige Hyland SUCKS!

CATHY - **yells louder** Don't quit your day job, Paige Hyland, even though you're not old enough for a work permit!!!

ABBY LEE MILLER - **turns around in her seat** Excuse me, are you talking about one of my dancers?

ANTHONY - This is an A B conversation. No room for double D's.

CATHY - More like double Q's! **they high five**

ABBY LEE MILLER - Then perhaps you shouldn't be loudly yelling your criticisms for the whole world to hear. PS - They're double Fs, not that it's any concern of yours.

CATHY - Why don't you let Paige speak for herself?

ABBY LEE MILLER - Um, ok, I guess. **grabs Paige off the stage to confront Anthony and Cathy**

ANTHONY - **to Paige** Welcome to Sickled Feet Town, Population one!

CATHY - Ha! That was pretty clever!

**Paige tries to slit her wrists with a bobby pin**

ABBY LEE MILLER - Hey, stop that.

KELLY HYLAND, PAIGE'S MOM - Abby, how could you ask Paige to confront two grown adults on her own?

ABBY LEE MILLER - Yeah, probs not one of my finest moments. Eh, oh well.


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