Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 5 - "The Party Is DONE"

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Alexis Bellino is on Xanax, and it doesn't seem to be working.

Lydia meets with Alexis after the big fight at CUT...

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - Interesting headband.

ALEXIS BELLINO - Thank you. God told me this morning that it was time to spice up my accessories.

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - Weird. He never says stuff like that to me.

ALEXIS BELLINO - You're just not devout enough, I guess. Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about the children around the world who are bullied.

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - Ok. I read the other day that a kid with an eye patch in upstate New York was given a swirlie, and then they -

ALEXIS BELLINO - No, I meant the adult children whose dinner companions don't even make eye contact unless they're criticizing the way you always talk about your six cars!!!! I mean, can the adult children HELP IT that they have six cars??!?!

LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - I'm not sure if that's really bullying, though...


LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - But the difference is that bullied kids don't have access to drugs and medications to help them cope.

ALEXIS BELLINO - You obviously didn't grow up in Missouri.

Vicki visits with her family from the Midwest...

VICKI'S MOM - Hey der, Vickster. If I had my car gun I'd put it to your head and demand you find a man that's not a flamer.

VICKI'S BROTHER, BILLY - Amen to dat, mah. Hey, anybody want a brat?

VICKI'S SISTER - I do. Yah know, all da dudes here are sooooo gay.

VICKI GUNVALSON - Guys, Donn's not coming back. Get over it.

VICKI'S MOM - Geez. Somebody needs a Coors. **she and the siblings all toast, leaving Vicki out. It is the story of her life**

Brianna's husband Ryan visits with Uncle Billy...

RYAN CULBERSON -  As someone who moved in because I couldn't afford to live anywhere else, I need Vicki to know that I'm the man of the house.


RYAN CULBERSON - I'm in charge now.  If I want to set booby traps for the gardener, if I want to ban her from dating, if I want to tear every fleur de lis off the wall, I get to do it.  But if she still wants to cook me dinner, that's cool, too.


RYAN CULBERSON - Here's why I won't let Brooks into my house, Billy. He asked me if some Mexican prostitutes looked "worth it."  

BILLY - So, did ya buy 'em, er what?  

RYAN CULBERSON - Of course. But still... he shouldn't have asked me that.

Tamra and Eddie eat at a Mexican restaurant...

EDDIE JUDGE - Mmmm. I love guacamole.

TAMRA BARNEY - Getting in touch with your inner beaner, huh?

EDDIE JUDGE - That reminds me - I don't think I want to get married anymore.

TAMRA BARNEY - Was it because I just called you a beaner?


TAMRA BARNEY - Dios mio. You people are so touchy.

The End.

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