Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 2 - "Evil Eyes and Evil Faces"

Woo hoo!

At Sky Zone Trampoline World...

JIM BELLINO - You ever thought you'd grow up married to a warehouse trampoline magnate?

ALEXIS BELLINO - I can honestly say no.

JIM BELLINO - Well, take a gooooood look around. I'm back in business, baby!

ALEXIS BELLINO  - Thank god. After the failure of the baby seat cover business, the bed and breakfast with no breakfast included, the Craigslist loan shark operation, and the exercise tape for chin implant recipients, I thought we'd be renting forever.

JIM BELLINO - No way, Jose. I'm a true BUSINESSMAN, which means hopping on the latest craze and then maxing out your credit card before things go under.

ALEXIS BELLINO - I remember when the bedazzled white baseball caps of Alexis Couture used to be the latest craze. **starts to cry**

JIM BELLINO - Buck up. You have a FAMILY to look after. Speaking of - have you seen my Cialis?

ALEXIS BELLINO - In the crisper. 

JIM BELLINO - Good. I'm gonna need it. Tonight, we're going to take Lambada classes! **shakes his tushie**

ALEXIS BELLINO - I knew I made the right choice in Palm Springs that day in 2005 when you used me if I was either hot or thirsty. I just knew it.


At Radio Slade studios... 

SLADE SMILEY - Hey, loyal listeners, welcome to Slade-io! Get it? Rhymes with "radio"!!!!!

SIDEKICK - I shaved half my head and dyed the remaining side pink. That's how funny that joke was.

SLADE SMILEY - You said it, sister. Hey, I got a new one for all of you out there. Guess which Muppet Vicki Gunvalson looks like?

SIDEKICK - Hmmm... that's challenging, because I didn't pick it up the other 80 times you've mentioned it.


SIDEKICK - And that's why you're the one with your own radio show instead of me, I guess.

SLADE SMILEY - I'm just giving the people what they want, Sidekick. Say, what's your real name?

SIDEKICK - It doesn't matter. **kills herself**


 In the wine cellar at the Dubrow estate...

TAMRA BARNEY - I'm sorry that I said Brooks was conceived anally. That wasn't right.

VICKI GUNVALSON - No, it's true. He's in a medical textbook.


VICKI GUNVALSON - He's extraordinary, Tamra. I keep trying to tell you. 

TAMRA BARNEY - Vicki, sometimes when someone says all the right things, it means they're really doing all the wrong things behind your back.

VICKI GUNVALSON - Like when you pinky swore that we were BFFs forever but then you were being nice to Gretchen, too?

TAMRA BARNEY - Um, hello, it's called "strategically keeping your enemies close so their boyfriends will stop showing unflattering bikini photos of you at comedy clubs."  Er, shit - I meant "being a good person." Yeah. That's what I meant. 

VICKI GUNVALSON - You know what? I gotta go. I've got a house to renovate and subsequently expose an infant to asbestos. **turns to leave**



TAMRA BARNEY - I just want you to know, that whatever you've done or not done to your face, it's sure to settle in a few weeks and look marginally better than Lauri Waring Peterson's.

VICKI GUNVALSON - You really mean that?



1 comment:

  1. For once Tamra got something right. Lauri's face is a work of artistic failure. The doc's should be sued. I think Vicki looks good.


web statistics
Wall Street Journal