| Man, Denise Richards has NOT aged well. |
Lydia rings the bell at the Dubrow estate...
HEATHER DUBROW - Who sent Denise Richards with gingivitis here?
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN- I'm not Denise Richards with gingivitis. I'm Lydia Stirling McLaughlin, from Beverly Hills Lifestyle Magazine.
HEATHER DUBROW - Oh, phew. I was worried Denise got into Charlie's meth stash again.
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - So, we're thinking about featuring your home on page 219 of next month's issue.
HEATHER DUBROW - That piece of shit HAS 219 pages?
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - Well, the currency exchange in Downey purchased a lot of add space...
HEATHER DUBROW - My husband and I will only allow our home to be photographed if it's on the cover.
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - I'd have to check with my husband. You see, I met him at the mall, and we're Christian, so obviously he's the boss.
HEATHER DUBROW - Sure. Makes perfect sense.
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - By the way, I just love the way your house looks so new. There are no, like, marks, or anything. Maverick has made such a mess of my -
HEATHER DUBROW - Excuse me?
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - My son Maverick is really sticky, and -
HEATHER DUBROW - You fucking NAMED your son MAVERICK?
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - We're big John McCain fans.
HEATHER DUBROW - Get out. Get out now. **pushes Lydia out the door**
At the Bellino family garden...
TALIBAN JIM BELLINO - Honey, the melons are ready!
ALEXIS BELLINO - I told you to stop eating so much Nutella. It's not really a breakfast food.
JIMMY "THE CHIN" BELLINO - No, not those melons. **tweaks his tits** These. **shows her what he's grown in the garden**
ALEXIS BELLINO - Look at you! You're a regular Martha Stewart!
JIM BELLINO - Except the feds haven't caught on to my shady dealings quite yet.
ALEXIS BELLINO - All in due time. **takes a bite out of melon** Mmmmmmm....
Brianna visits Vicki at Coto Insurance...
BRIANNA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Hi, mom. I think Troy has an infection from all the renovations.
VICKI GUNVALSON - But at least his surroundings will be beautiful and full of bird images.
BRIANNA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - True. Well, I came here to ask if Brooks is planning on personally delivering love affirmations any time soon.
VICKI GUNVALSON - Perhaps.
BRIANNA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Ok, then I'm moving out.
VICKI GUNVALSON - Brianna, he's a God-fearing man!
BRIANNA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Yeah, he fears God is going to take away the Vicki gravy train.
VICKI GUNVALSON - That's really mean.
BRIANNA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - You're right. I was out of line. I'm sorry.
VICKI GUNVALSON - It's ok. Well, I better get going. I have to cut a check for Brooks's latest round of Fraxel laser treatments.
Vicki and Tamra meet at Hanna's....
VICKI GUNVALSON - Tamra, I don't understand it. Why don't you want me to be happy?
TAMRA BARNEY - If a toothless, child-support evading bubba is what makes you happy, then I wish you the best.
VICKI GUNVALSON - It is, Tamra. It really is. Well, I better get going. I've got to work extra hard this week if I'm ever going to afford the standing at-home tanning bed Brooks has been eyeing.
Tamra and Gretchen go shopping for baby Troy...
TAMRA BARNEY - So does all this useless paraphernalia intended to arouse envy in other mothers make you want to have a baby, or what?
GRETCHEN ROSSI - I better get to having one soon, because before you know it I'm gonna be too old! BWAHAHAHAHA!
TAMRA BARNEY - Um, good one.
GRETCHEN ROSSI - Waiting for Slade to get on his feet has taken so long that my eggs have rotted and now I'm probably barren. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
TAMRA BARNEY - Hehehe.... ?
GRETCHEN ROSSI - I mean, at this rate, I'm never going to have the children I've longed for my entire life! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TAMRA BARNEY - Man, with these jokes, it should have been you that got your own comedy hour at The Improv.
GRETCHEN ROSSI - I know, right? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
The End.
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