Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Millionaire Matchmaker, Episode 6 - "The Dancer and the Wrestler"

Arkan-see your junk.

 Video Thumbnail

 Patti meets real estate and dance enthusiast Aimee...
AIMEE ELIZABETH - I'm the opposite of a Nivea slogan. Don't touch or be touched.

PATTI STANGER - Boy, I'm sure you're a party in the sack.

AIMEE ELIZABETH  - I'm serious. Don't fucking touch me.

PATTI STANGER - Well, what if I just do... **place finger near Aimee's shoulder** this?

AIMEE ELIZABETH - NOOOOOO! **hurls Patti across the room, Destin's tummy breaks her fall** 

PATTI STANGER -  **brushes herself off** Damn. Those 'roids are powerful. Ow.

AIMEE ELIZABETH - You gotta juice if you're going to recreate the Patrick Swayze role in the Dirty Dancing finale.

PATTI STANGER - I guess that makes sense.

 Episode Image

Patti meets professional wrestler and sand and gravel peddler Matt Riviera...

MATT RIVIERA - Patti, I'm over the Arkansas dating scene.

PATTI STANGER - Dating scene? Telling someone to "squeal like a pig" isn't exactly dating.

MATT RIVIERA - But sometimes we reward brutal sodomy with a cookie from Subway. So there's that.

PATTI STANGER - Who's your celebrity crush?

MATT RIVIERA - Anna Kendrick.

PATTI STANGER - Ah, a fan of the Oscar winner Up In The Air, I see.

MATT RIVIERA  - Huh? I've only seen Pitch Perfect.

PATTI STANGER - Naturally.

 Patti Stanger

 At the mixer...

MATT RIVIERA - Ladies, I'll make this easy. If you have a professional degree, get paid to make people laugh, are not white, don't want to rub my belly after each wrestling match, or hate the idea of moving to a town without a Hardees, please leave now.

**everybody leaves but Shelise**

 SHELISE - I mean, you have enough influence in town to make the Hardees thing happen, right?

MATT RIVIERA - I'll certainly try.

 Video Thumbnail

 Paolo takes Aimee to a dance studio...

PAOLO - Hey, who set me up with a man in a wig? HAHAHAHA!

AIMEE ELIZABETH - Oh, you. Such a cut up.

PAOLO -  Hmm, maybe you could take a hike so me and the dance instructor here can do a little horizontal mambo!

AIMEE ELIZABETH   - Lol. Your sense of humor is why I picked you.

PAOLO - I'd dance with you, but I can't find you when you blend in with the wall so easily. Get it? CUZ YOU'RE PALE!

AIMEE ELIZABETH  - A+ material, Paolo!

DANCE INSTRUCTOR - **whispers to Aimee**  Hey, um... this might not be my place, but I don't think this douchebag is joking.

AIMEE ELIZABETH -  Of course he is. He's just a funny guy.

PAOLO - Two things Colombians do well - snort cocaine and hit the road when their date is looking the other way. **leaves**

AIMEE ELIZABETH - HA! **waits for him to come back, he doesn't** Ok, maybe you were right.

Video Thumbnail

Shelise and Matt take a yoga class...

YOGA INSTRUCTOR - Now take it to downward dog.

MATT RIVIERA - **Farts loudly** Whoops. I'd blame it on the dog, but I guess in this position, I'm the dog. Sorry.

SHELISE  - It's ok. It doesn't smell too bad. And at least you apologized.

MATT RIVIERA - Low standards. That's very promising for our future. **farts again** This time, I'm not sorry.

 Video Thumbnail 

Matt and Shelise go out to dinner...

MATT RIVIERA - You know what I like about you? You have no aspirations. That's sexy to a mediocre pro wrestler from a state with a 50 percent literacy rate.

SHELISE - Thank you.

MATT RIVIERA  - Let's call your dad.

SHELISE - Ok.  **they marry**


1 comment:

web statistics
Wall Street Journal