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| Let us pray, before we talk mad shit behind each other's backs. |
In Namibia, birthplace of David Banda Ritchie...
TJ LAVIN - Today, we're gonna do like they do in Louisiana.
TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - Run around barefoot in a Popeye's?
DUSTIN ZITO - Touch your little cousin's bathing suit parts?
TJ LAVIN - Ok, no, to both of those. You're going to ride ATVs and swim. P.S. - Somebody might want to talk to the authorities about Dustin's cousin.
FRANK SWEENEY - Psssh, this challenge is a breeze. I float in the community pool for thirty minutes every afternoon.
TJ LAVIN - If you say so. Ashley, rev 'er up.
ASHLEY KELSEY - Here weeeee gooooooo!!!!! **ATV sputters, stops**
FRANK SWEENEY - **belly flops in the water two feet from the slide** Ow.
ASHLEY KELSEY - Sorry. I took my hands off the controller thingies and the quad mysteriously stopped.
TJ LAVIN - Well, the silver lining is that Frank didn't add to the vomit pile Sarah and Dustin created.
JONNA MANNION - Silver lining? For destitute homeless people like me, that's a feast.
ZACH NICHOLS - See? This is why I love this woman. **they kiss**
TJ LAVIN - Um, gross.
After Team Las Vegas wins the challenge...
TJ LAVIN - Vegas, who do you select to go in the arena against Cancun?
TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - Don't we get a full day to think and get in drunken fights about it?
TJ LAVIN - Nope. After Robb took off his shirt two times last week, MTV decided to change their policy so as not to blind any more viewers at home.
TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - Ok. **consults Dustin** We select San Diego, because they're bad people and we want them gone.
DUSTIN ZITO - It's nothing personal.
Back at the house, the teams eat dinner...
SAM MCGINN - Remember how everybody flew so far in the air except for Frank? HAHAHAHA!
FRANK SWEENEY - **whispers to Ashley** Remember how Sam's a fat loser and you and I are the only serious competitors on this team?
ASHLEY KELSEY - I dunno, Frank... What about Zach? He's pretty serious about this.
**They turn to see Zach wearing a Queen Helene Mint Julep Masque and braiding Jonna's hair on the couch**
ASHLEY KELSEY - Point taken.
At the arena...
SARAH RICE - Jonna, remember the strategy we talked about, which is to do better than the other team.
JONNA MANNION - Got it! **TJ blows air horn**
DEVYN SIMONE - **giving advice from the sidelines** Untie the rope fast!
CHET CANNON - Make sure the rope is straightened in a short amount of time!
JD ORDONEZ - Use your hands to take out the knots in the ropes, but do it quickly!
JONNA MANNION - AHHHH! There's so much competing advice from the sidelines that I don't know who to listen to!
DEREK CHAVEZ - I can't focus when people are using voices to talk out loud!
TJ LAVIN - Time's up. San Diego wins.
JONNA MANNION - I guess it's back to the poor house for me.
FRANK SWEENEY - Or no house.
ZACH NICHOLS - I'll miss you, Jonna. My parents have a shed on their property in Michigan that they'll let you crash in for a few weeks.
JONNA MANNION - You're a saint, you know that? A saint with spotty, uneven facial hair. **they kiss goodbye**
In the desert...
TJ LAVIN - Welcome to the final challenge. Please board a little plane and prepare to jump out of it.
DEVYN SIMONE - Glad I used that extra bobby pin to secure my wig this morning.
DUSTIN ZITO - Are we going to be jumping tandem with hotsexysmokin' sky-diving instructors of the male persuasion?
TJ LAVIN - I'm not sure what qualifies as hotsexysmokin', because I am heterosexual.
DUSTIN ZITO - Uh, me too, bro. No homo.
TJ LAVIN - Once you all land safely on the ground -
SAM MCGINN - Or NOT safely, if God answers my prayers regarding Frank.
TJ LAVIN - Once you all land safely or not safely on the ground, you'll fart around in the dust for a few days like Okies.
CHET CANNON - My great-grandparents were Okies, you fucker.
TJ LAVIN - I'm sorry. Not that I joked about Okies, but that you are one.
The teams board little planes. To be continued...
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