Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 6 - "She's Gone Too Far"

Secrets, secrets are no fun...

At Sur...

LISA VANDERPUMP - Next time you're caught drinking on the job, your ass will be cleaning toilets at Ruby's.  

STASSI - Wait... why are you being such an asshole right now? You're usually cool.

LISA VANDERPUMP - This weird and lengthy exchange is actually just a set up for my spin-off, "Vanderpump Rules". And nobody wants to watch an hour of someone "being cool." 

STASSI - Ah, I get it. You don't want to be the next "Miami Social".

LISA VANDERPUMP - Smart girl. Here, pound this. **hands her a shot of Patron**

STASSI - **takes it** Thanks. 

LISA VANDERPUMP - You're fired!

STASSI - Wait... is this real?

LISA VANDERPUMP - I'm not sure.

KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - **limps into frame** My hip hurts. 

PRODUCER - Aaaaaaand SCENE! Great job, everybody. This show might even give "LOLwork" a run for its money!

LISA VANDERPUMP - **cries into her hands**

At Lisa's dinner party...

BRANDI GLANVILLE -  Everyone, I have a secret I'd like to loudly share with you and the entire waitstaff. Adrienne used a surrogate for all three of her children.

LISA VANDERPUMP - And this is a secret how? Bitch is like a thousand years old.

KIM RICHARDS - On behalf of all people who look a thousand years old, things are not always as they seem.

BRANDI GLANVILLE - The real issue here is that in Ojai, when I demanded intimate details of everyone's birthing methods at the dinner table, Adrienne claimed to have had a C-Section.

CAMILLE GRAMMER -  And if I have to come clean about being renting another human's body to preserve the attractiveness of my own, she should, too.

KYLE RICHARDS - Should we really be discussing such a private issue in public? **whispers to Brandi** Please, don't stop.

At Mauricio's JW Marriott party...

CAMILLE GRAMMER - Sorry Dimitri and I are tardy for the party. His huge dick made us late.

DIMITRI CHARAMBOPOULOS - It's a lot of weight to carry around.

MAURICIO UMANSKY - Wish I could relate. Say, what do you say I show that huge dick a condo it could buy?

DIMITRI CHARAMBOPOULOS - Sounds good to it! **they go look at a penthouse**

Kim approaches Adrienne and Paul...

KIM RICHARDS - You look fantastic. Back wax?

PAUL NASSIF - Yes! You're quite perceptive for someone in a foggy, prescription-pill induced haze.

KIM RICHARDS - Thanks! Oh, P.S. - Brandi's been telling everybody that you guys used a surrogate to birth your children.

PAUL NASSIF - Duh. Adrienne's like a thousand years old.

ADRIENNE MALOOF - **pinches his arm** Stick to the script, Sasquatch.

PAUL NASSIF - Shit. I meant, "What a bitch!"

BRANDI GLANVILLE - **from across the room** I heard that!

PAUL NASSIF - I'm surprised, with all the Oxycontin you take on the regs!

BRANDI GLANVILLE - Why don't you come over here and say that to my face!

PAUL NASSIF - Fine! **comes up to her face**  I'm surprised, with all the Oxycontin you take on the regs!

BRANDI GLANVILLE - Ok, that was just a figure of speech. 

ADRIENNE MALOOF - See? Another lie from Brandi Glanville. She said she wanted you to say it to her face, but she didn't really want that at all!

BRANDI GLANVILLE - Are you guys retarded?  

PAUL NASSIF - Could a retarded person make his wife's face look like a Sanrio store?

KYLE RICHARDS - EVERYBODY, STOP! **record scratch** If you're going to argue, please be respectful and make sure I'm involved.

MAURICIO UMANSKY - Don't you mean please be respectful and take it outside so as not to ruin my party?  



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