Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons, Episode 10 - "Woman Scorned"

Sam, making a miraculous recovery, rolls around in a tube.

Dustin and Trishelle continue their disagreement while laying in bunk beds...

DUSTIN ZITO - You heard me, Trishelle. Pack your bags.

TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - But tonight Chet's making bulgur pilaf.

DUSTIN ZITO - Really? Damn. Ok, I'll stay.

CHET CANNON - I want to make a joke about a special yogurt sauce that Dustin will especially appreciate, but the Angel Moroni is telling me to restrain myself.

DUSTIN ZITO - You're a good man, Chet. FYI - I voted for Romney.

TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - **strokes the "Chet" written on Chet's hat** Chet, you should know that I'm very liberal when it comes to televised hook-ups. You may remember that I made out with both Vanilla Ice and Andy Dick on VH1's "The Surreal Life." 

CHET CANNON - I actually don't remember. I was in the third grade.  

TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - Once you've had a taste of Rob Van Vinkle, a third grader sounds like a nice change of pace.  

CHET CANNON - Uuuuumm... weird.  


At a wrestling mat...

TJ LAVIN -  Your challenge for today is to let Zach push you into the water while he wears a giant tube.

FRANK SWEENEY - Uh, hello? I'm going to be in the tube with him, straining my glutes as hard against his groin as a I possibly can. 

ZACH NICHOLS - And my challenge for today is to not get aroused by that.

**Frank and Zach win the the overall challenge, but Zach fails his personal challenge**

After shots at a Turkish "Umpzz Umpzz" club, the teams board the short bus...

MARIE RODA - I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, and I ESPECIALLY hate you.

CHET CANNON - You're not even looking at anyone in particular. 

MARIE RODA - Shut up!

FRANK SWEENEY - Marie, it's nothing personal. I had to make a choice, and my choice was influenced by you being a massive bitch-tittie.

ROBB SCHREIBER - Hey, who you callin' a bitch-tittie? **opens his shirt to display Hakuna Matata tattoos** MAKE MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

**silence, followed by a full-minute of laughter**

ROBB SCHREIBER - That worked a lot better when John Wayne did it.

SARAH RICE - **whispers** You mean Clint Eastwood.

ROBB SCHREIBER - **head in hands** I'm such a ginger loser.

SARAH RICE - You said it, not me.

Back at the mansion... 

MARIE RODA - Before my rant was rudely interrupted on the bus,  I was about to say that the biggest weirdo of all is JD. 

JD ORDONEZ - We'll see who's a weirdo when you're looking out the window of a plane, attempting to finger yourself to increase endorphins and mask your pain, but quietly so your seat mate doesn't notice.

SAM MCGINN - Ok, that was kind of weird, JD.


MARIE RODA - Hmmm... which other gay people can I pick on? Derek?  

DEREK CHAVEZ - Yeah, ok, I'll bite. **gets in her face** 

ROBB SCHREIBER - Uh uh, I don't THINK SO!  **opens his shirt to display Hakuna Matata tattoos** MAKE MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

  **silence, followed by a full-minute of laughter**

ROBB SCHREIBER  - God damn it.

At the arena...

TJ LAVIN - Frat Pad and Vanilla Ice-Fucker, you're squaring off against the guy with the Disney tattoo, and the other guy with the Disney tattoo.

MARIE RODA - Real men love Simba. **pulls down shorts to reveal Hakuna Matata tattoo on her dick**

TJ LAVIN - It's interesting that you having a dick is the least shocking of those two revelations. Ok, here we go... Ready, set, MAKE A PRETTY MOSAIC!

**Trishelle makes a pretty mosaic the fastest**

TJ LAVIN - That is actually a beautiful piece of art, Trishelle. 

TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - Thank you. I focused on assembling the blues and greens in a row, to create the impression of water meeting land. The reds are the passion that nature arouses in all of us.

TJ LAVIN - Very nice.

**They hear a gurgling noise**

TJ LAVIN - Whoops, forgot to let the guys know they could come out of the water now.

**rope is pulled up, both Dustin and Robb are dead from drowning**

TJ LAVIN - Tell Pedro and Frankie I said "what's up."

ZACH NICHOLS - Too soon, bro. 


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