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| Kim was unable to make the photo shoot because she was decorating her cardboard box. |
JET Magazine auditions at The Bailey Agency...
KENYA MOORE - **after girl with tuft of FUPA hair on display walks the runway** Get a wax, and then we can talk.
FUPA TUFT - Ok, thank you.
KENYA MOORE - Wait... Nevermind. We'll never talk. But still get a wax.
CYNTHIA BAILEY - Kenya, be nice. This is for JET.
KENYA MOORE - **after 300 lb man dressed as Nicki Minaj walks the runway** If this is what JET is about, I'd like to cancel my subscription.
JET LADY - Done. **cancels Kenya's subscription on her IPad**
KENYA MOORE - **after lady with only a torso and no limbs scoots down the runway** NEXT!
LADY WITH NO LIMBS - Sorry. I had a run in with Marlo Hampton last week.
KENYA MOORE - Who let her in here? SECURITY!
CYNTHIA BAILEY - We don't have security guards.
KENYA MOORE - Well, I do. I hired him so I'm always the first in line on Jimmy Johns half-off Tuesdays.
CYNTHIA BAILEY - **pulls Kenya aside** We need to talk. You've been unnecessarily harsh.
KENYA MOORE - Somebody needs to set these people straight so they improve!
CYNTHIA BAILEY - Listen... Sasquatch, Nicholas Minaj and Torso Tammy are never going to improve. Ok? We know that.
KENYA MOORE - So you're saying I should hold my tongue, because there's no hope?
CYNTHIA BAILEY - Right.
KENYA MOORE - Ok. Um, Mrs. Jet Lady? Can you un-cancel my subscription?
JET LADY - No.
Kim visits Kandi's new house...
KANDI BURRESS - Welcome to my foreclosure fortress, otherwise known as "the place I store all my sex toys."
KIM ZOLCIAK - I can't believe you'd ask me to come out to this neighborhood. It's crawling with black babies.
KANDI BURRESS - I promise, it's a good area. Andre 3000's coat maker lives next door. So... here's the vibrator room...
KIM ZOLCIAK - Ew.
KANDI BURRESS - And the lube station...
KIM ZOLCIAK - Gross.
KANDI BURRESS - And the electric-butt plug charging area...
KIM ZOLCIAK - Ick.
KANDI BURRESS - Kim, why all the hate? Aren't you, like, homeless?
KIM ZOLCIAK - What??? Just because a white person has nowhere to live doesn't mean they're homeless!
KANDI BURRESS - If you say so. Now here's the pool, which doubles as a dildo cleaning apparatus...
KIM ZOLCIAK - Um... this is an indoor pool.
KANDI BURRESS - But it's still a private pool. I'm pretty grateful.
KIM ZOLCIAK - I mean, I'd never be ok with an indoor pool, but... to each their own.
KANDI BURRESS - **whispers to Kim** Would you like somewhere to stay while you get back on your feet?
KIM ZOLCIAK - **whispers back** Yes, please.
KANDI BURRESS - Ok, moving on to the anal bead repair cabinet...
NeNe meets with Ryan Murphy...
RYAN MURPHY - I saw you on Celebrity Apprentice, and was captivated by your ability to yell at people in a fake board room. You have a gift.
NENE LEAKES - That's why I'm rich. Bitch.
RYAN MURPHY - And I'd like to make you even richer. How would you like to appear on my struggling television show, The New Normal?
NENE LEAKES - Would I get to fuck Taye Diggs?
RYAN MURPHY - Hmmm... we wanted to make him your younger brother, but I suppose we could arrange some kind of incest scenario...
NENE LEAKES - Make him my older brother, and we've got a deal.
RYAN MURPHY - NeNe, we can only ask our viewers to suspend their disbelief so much.
NENE LEAKES - Fine. Make us twins who hit it on the regular.
RYAN MURPHY - Welcome aboard!
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