Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Challlenge: Battle of the Seasons, Episode 6 - "Going Insane"

Running low on ideas, the producers resort to a Listening-To-Strings Challenge.

Workin' it out...

ALTON - **doing one-pinky-push-ups** One... two... three... twenty-seven... fifty-two...

FRANK - **under his breath, to Zach** Winning isn't about personality, it's about strength in numbers.

ALTON - **overhearing** Are you talking shit while I'm on my eighty-eighth one-pinky-push-up, or am I on some bitchin' hallucinogens?

FRANK - I think you're on bitchin' hallucinogens, if you claim to be able to do eighty-eight one-pinky-push-ups. PS - Nobody says "bitchin'" anymore. 

ALTON - FUCK YOU! My body is a TEMPLE that can do AMAZING THINGS!

FRANK - Temples can't even DO anything! They're standing structures, STOOPID! **they get all up in each others' faces**

ZACH - **standing by with crossed arms** Frank, I'm starting to think I should get compensated for being your body guard. This is a full-time gig.

FRANK - You do get compensated, in the form of late-night blow jobs in your bunk.

ZACH - Pshaw. That toothy junk ain't worth shit.

FRANK - That's a very hurtful thing to say to an actively gay man.

ZACH - You're right. I'm sorry.

ALTON - Excuse me? I thought we were fighting here?

FRANK - Oh yeah. FUCK YOU!

Alton decides he doesn't want to play at the beach with a bunch of "kids"...

SARAH - But Alton... if you don't go to the beach, nobody gets to go to the beach.

ALTON - Hey, I don't make the rules. I just immaturely break them and fuck over the entire house.

DUSTIN - C'mon, dude. All you have to do is sit in the blazing, melanoma-inducing sun for a few hours, get dehydrated, and pick at your blisters. Do it for us.

FRANK - **appearing in the screen door** I see you comforting Alton, Dusty. And to quote George Bush, "if you're not FOR us, you're AGAINST us."

DUSTIN - Hmmm. I don't recall that quote. When Bush was in office, I was in Australia appearing in male-on-male Internet pornography.

FRANK - HEY! You took away my opportunity to make a Frat Pad joke by making one yourself! **gets in Dustin's face**

ZACH - Fuck. Here we go again.

FRANK - I put my lips around my teeth last night, so shut up.

ZACH - Fair enough.

FRANK - **turns back to Dustin** I will fuck you up right here, right now, just like I'd do in the STREETS!

DUSTIN - You are from Vermont. Do they even have streets?

FRANK - Yes. After a generous grant from the state government, the dirt roads in my hometown were paved in 1997. **silence** Wait... what were we talking about again?

At the daily challenge, the teams slap fish, wear horse heads, and listen to strings...

TJ LAVIN - Team St. Thomas, you came in last at slapping fish, wearing horse heads, and listening to strings.

MARIE - I blame Trey. This explains why he was held back a grade.

TJ LAVIN - New Orleans, since you came in first at slapping fish, wearing horse heads, and listening to strings, who do you select to go against in the Arena?

KNIGHT - As a man who looks like a lesbian, I select the other team that has a man who looks like a lesbian. Alton, your team is going into the Arena.

At the Arena, Dustin and Nany prepare for battle against Trey and Laura...

ALTON - Here's the strategy. Pull the rope into the middle as fast as you can. Even faster than the other team.

NANY - Thanks for the helpful tips.

CJ - Hey, Big Shot Alton, why aren't you the one going into the dome?

ALTON - Hey, Guy Who Sucked As A Kicker In The NFL, I don't feel like it.

FRANK - Guys, guys, let's just calm down!

ZACH - Are you seriously asking people to calm down?

FRANK - No. I was just trying to see how it feels. Feels boring, quite frankly **gets in Alton's face, shouts a lot**

TJ LAVIN - Let's take a break from Frank fighting with people for the Arena, shall we?

**Nany and Dustin win**

TJ LAVIN - Trey and Laura, this ends your time here in Turkey.

TREY - Finally. Now I can go back to my non-pregnant ex-girlfriend.

TJ LAVIN - Good for you, bro. Good for you.


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