Monday, October 8, 2012

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 4 - Reunion, Part 2


Joe Giudice offers an impassioned defense against sordid cheating allegations.





At the fabulous Borgata Hotel & Casino in Atlantic City, NJ...

ROSIE PIERRI - **faintly, in the background** Murmur, murmur, rip her tongue out, murmur murmur.

ANDY COHEN - Oh my... it sounds like a mad man is on the loose!

KATHY WAKILE - I don't hear anything.

TERESA GIUDICE - Me neither, but that could be the Oxycontin.

ANDY COHEN - What the fuck, sound guy? Mic Rosie up.

SOUND GUY - Sorry. **puts mic on Rosie** Ok, go ahead and repeat that stuff about ripping tongues out.

ROSIE PIERRI - Sure. Ahem. I WILL RIP HER TONGUE OUT!

ANDY COHEN - Oh my... it sounds like a mad man is on the loose!

TERESA GIUDICE More like a mad someone-who-looks-like-a-man. ZING!

ROSIE PIERRI - **barges on set** I'd be pissed at that comment if looking like a man wasn't getting me so much damn ass. **winks at Jacqueline** How you doin'? 

JACQUELINE LAURITA - **giggles** 

ANDY COHEN - Rosie, tell us about your long journey to coming out as a fully-realized lesbian.

ROSIE PIERRI - Well, it all started on a cold, rainy night in 1997. TNT was playing Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and I found my heart racing right along with Judd Nelson when -

ANDY COHEN - Over it. Let's move on.




Juicy Joe Giudice takes a seat next to his wife...

JOE GIUDICE -  What are you gonna do? Know what I mean? Who cares? Whatever.

ANDY COHEN - Nobody has even said anything to you yet.

TERESA GIUDICE - What he meant to say was "hello."

JOE GIUDICE - Happy wife, happy life, know what I mean?

ANDY COHEN - Yeah. So, who were you talking to when the cameras caught you on the phone, stroking your penis by the grapes?

JOE GIUDICE - My old friend Albie.

ANDY COHEN - Is Albie a man or a woman?

JOE GIUDICE - You calling me gay?

ANDY COHEN - But if it was a woman, that would mean you're cheating on your wife.

JOE GIUDICE - It was a worker. Who speaks Spanish. Who cares. Whatever.

ANDY COHEN - You should really run for office. 

JACQUELINE LAURITA - I can list several instances when Joe has cheated on Teresa. In his office, on his desk...

TERESA GIUDICE - In his office and on his desk was actually the same incident. 

JOE GIUDICE - This cunt's got a point.  

TERESA GIUDICE - Thank you.





It's Melissa's turn to be "On Display"...

ANDY COHEN - I hear you're moving. Mazel tov. 

MELISSA GORGA - This is a bad kind of moving. The kind where your husband's sister's kids go to the same school as your kids but you want to put your kids in another school district so they don't go to school with your husband's sister's kids anymore.

CAROLINE MANZO - Happens every day.

ANDY COHEN - Um... does it?

CAROLINE MANZO - Yes, Orange Dick.

TERESA GIUDICE - BULLYING!

ANDY COHEN - Teresa, are you saying Caroline is a bully? Because, truth be told, that last comment kinda hurt. It's tan. **wipes away a tear**

TERESA GIUDICE - I never said she was a bully. Just that sometimes she bullies people.

JOE GIUDICE - Happy wife, happy life, know what I mean?

ANDY COHEN - You're still here?

JOE GIUDICE - Who cares. Whatever.

ANDY COHEN  - Got it. Well, tune in next week when we trot Richard Wakile out to see if he's chosen a thicker fabric to keep his moobs on lock.

KATHY WAKILE - He hasn't.

ANDY COHEN - Well, ah... tune in anyway!


THE END.

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