Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Real World St. Thomas - Reunion

It's hard to say goodbye, but there's a good chance you'll hate each other very soon.

In front of a live studio audience...  

MARIA MENOUNOS - Hi, I'm a weird Greek lady.

MARIE - Hi, yourself. 

MARIA MENOUNOS - Damn, you are a bad bitch. Well, today we're here to quiz the cast members of "The Real World: Only White People In Sight" on why they all now mostly hate each other.

TREY - We don't hate each other. We all just hate one person: the 67-year-old Shea Stadium beer vendor masquerading as a woman young enough to be on this show.

LATOYA - Excuse me, her name is Marie, it's called Citi Field now, and we don't all hate her. I happen to think that, sometimes, she's rather tolerable.

MARIE - Thanks, girl.

ROBB - Well, I happen to think that she has poor hygiene and a bad attitude, which is why I broke up with her through a text message.

MARIE - You didn't seem to think I had poor hygiene and a bad attitude back when you were praising my good hygiene and positive attitude! 

ROBB - Things change. **holds up cruise bracelet Marie bought him, breaks it in half**


SWIFT - I'll tell you what I think -

LATOYA - SHUT UP FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! **stands up to attack Swift**

MARIA MENOUNOS - Whoa whoa whoa! Let's go to break.

Laura has her "Where Are They Now" segment...

LAURA -  I'm back in Omaha, fishing with my cousin on the regs. Aaaand that's pretty much it.

Robb has his "Where Are They Now" segment...

ROBB - Here I am in rural Pennsylvania, hanging out with my mom on the porch. 

Back to the live studio audience...

MARIA MENOUNOS - I guess the only thing left to talk about is how Laura has no self-respect.

LAURA - I have enough self respect to go after a dude I want, even if he already has a girlfriend.

TREY - No argument from me.

SWIFT - Well, I think -  

LATOYA - SHUT UP FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! **stands up to attack Swift**

MARIA MENOUNOS -  Break time already? Wow.

Brandon has his "Where Are They Now" segment...

BRANDON - Just living the good life here in Boston, sleeping on friends' couches and doing drugs. 

Swift has his "Where Are They Now" segment...

SWIFT -  I said on the last episode of the season that I was staying in St. Thomas, but instead I'm playing football with friends from elementary school back in Jersey.

Back to the live studio audience...
MARIA MENOUNOS - That's all the time we have for today. It's been fun catching up with you all and seeing how even your positive relationships have disintegrated into putrid piles of resentment.

ROBB - Speaking of putrid piles, somebody might want to check Marie's chair after she gets up.

MARIE - Why don't you take your beanie and non-prescription glasses and push them gently up your anal cav -

MARIA MENOUNOS - Ahem. Well, kids, I'm excited to see the bright futures that you all have ahead of you. Thank you for talking with us.

Trey has his "Where Are They Now" segment... 

TREY - I am not good enough to play real sports, so now I throw footballs at people as I pass them on the street.

Marie has his "Where Are They Now" segment...  

MARIE - I'm back to being a 67-year-old Shea Stadium beer vendor, except now I'm also friends with Frank from The Real World: San Diego.


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