Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Gallery Girls Episode 5 - "I'm Set Free"

Only in Williamsburg could someone named The Sucklord be called "too commercial."

At End of Century... 

THE SUCKLORD - Hi, I'm The Sucklord. 

CHANTAL CHADWICK - **giggles**

CLAUDIA MARTINEZ REARDON - Unlike my freshly Brazilian-waxed friend, I'm not charmed by your presence.

THE SUCKLORD - Well, excuuuuuse me for selling branded toilet paper that says "Ass Wipe." Available for $27.99 on Amazon.com, FYI. 

CLAUDIA MARTINEZ REARDON - If you're going to show here, we're going to need your art to conform to the End of Century aesthetic, which is about L'Oreal Feria in Starry Night and wearing tights in the summer.

THE SUCKLORD - How about I just have some of my improv friends show up wearing masks?


At Angela's apartment, which is in Williamsburg, in case you didn't know...

ALEX - Break out your doughnut sweatshirt... I found a space for your show!

ANGELA PHAM - EEEEE! I knew you'd come through!

ALEX - Of course. I'm your gay.

ANGELA PHAM - So... where will "Totally Not Depressed: Teetering on the Precipice of Moroseness" make it's big debut?

ALEX - Wait for it, wait for it... the break room at the brand new Steak n' Shake Signature!

ANGELA PHAM - Alex. I'm from Williamsburg.

ALEX - You're from Williamsburg, and you take pictures of menopausal French women carrying luggage. Buffalo Wild Wings wouldn't even let you show in their men's room. Believe me, I tried.

ANGELA PHAM - Even Annie Leibovitz had to start somewhere, I guess.

ALEX - That's the spirit. Oh, I forgot to mention, the show is this Saturday at 7 am.

Amy meets Kerri for coffee... 

AMY POLIAKOFF - Since you're the new intern, and I've been interning here for six years, there are some things I need you to do. 

KERRI LISA - Wait... isn't being an intern for a long time a bad thing?

AMY POLIAKOFF - Sure, if you're poor. Alright, let me just read off the list and you can wait until the end with any questions or comments.


AMY POLIAKOFF - I said wait until the end. Here goes: Fetch me drinks from Dorrian's every hour but make sure they are all in a coffee cup so it doesn't look like it's alcohol.


AMY POLIAKOFF - Any questions or comments?

KERRI LISA - That's not really a "list"... it's just one thing.

AMY POLIAKOFF - More like eight things, because that's how many hours we're at work. I think you're going to have a bright future here. I really do.

Maggie goes home to Easton, PA to visit her mom...

MOTHER MAGGIE - I'm worried about you, Maggie. While you were napping on the couch, you kept saying "Not at work, Eli" in your sleep.

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - Oh, um... that's so weird!

MOTHER MAGGIE - I also noticed you counting and separating your peas at dinner.

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - Oh, look. I'm out of Prosecco. Fill 'er up.

MOTHER MAGGIE - You know, Maggie... I've seen the movie "Secretary" more than once. Seven times, actually.


MOTHER MAGGIE - So if there's anything you want to talk to me about...

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - There isn't.

MOTHER MAGGIE - Ok. Just know that there are other galleries out there. Maybe ones with paper mache vaginas!




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