Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Real World St. Thomas, Episode 9 - "Who Done It"

Is true love enough to kill for?

Filippo hosts a lobster and steak dinner at his mansion...

FILIPPO - **seated next to Marie** Do I detect a bit of East Coast in your accent?

MARIE - If you consider Staten Island the East Coast. **belches**

FILIPPO - Hahaha, oh, you. I do, indeed, consider Staten Island the East Coast. Do you ever make it into the city? With a... boyfriend, perhaps?

MARIE - Me 'n my fuck buddy Donny sometimes hit up Gray's Papaya and throw hot dogs at the homeless for kicks. **farts**

FILIPPO - Just a, um, "fuck buddy", eh? Interesting. I'm also single. My girlfriend was overwhelmed by my luxurious lifestyle.

MARIE - Oh yeah? Listen here, Flipster. I'd jump up on that pogo stick anytime if you'd throw a shrimp dinner my way every now and then. **gives him a wet willie**

FILIPPO - **giggles** Marie! Are you ever the enchanting creature?!

MARIE - I don't know what that means, but I'll be whatever you want if it keeps that fire crotch away from me.

**they turn to see Robb ramming his head on the table**

Back at the house...

ROBB -  I'm gonna rip Swift limb from limb!


ROBB - Nobody tells Ginger Robb that love is blind! NOBODY!

MARIE - You show him, big boy!

ROBB - He can say that you're weird-looking, that you're drunk all the time, and that you smell like Remo the Seal after a bowl of boiled cabbage, but saying my judgement is skewed is where he CROSSES THE LINE!

Wait... he said all that?

ROBB - Um... no?

MARIE - Seriously, kick his ass, Seabass.**farts**

ROBB - God, you're so sexy.

Robb confronts Swift...

ROBB - You mad, bro? 

SWIFT - I'm not going to discuss this with you while you're under the influence of Senor Frog's.

ROBB - Ok, good point. **leaves**

Robb goes back to Marie...

MARIE - So, how'd it go? Is he dead? 

ROBB - He said he'd rather have the discussion in the morning after he's gone to church and is wearing a tie.

MARIE - Oh, really, pussy? And you accepted that?

ROBB - Well, there's nothing wrong with waiting until cooler heads -

MARIE - I'm done fucking with these non-Staten Island types. Where I'm from, men are men, and literally murder people before the offending party has had a chance to tell their side of the story.

ROBB - I'll be whatever you want me to be, Marie.

MARIE - I want you to be somebody that kills Swift and buries his corpse under the aviary exhibit at Coral World.

ROBB - Done.

**to be continued...**

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