Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Gallery Girls Episode 2 - "What Goes On"

Brooklyn boys smell bad and throw stuff.

Angela meets up with "her gays"...

ANGELA PHAM - It's hard finding men to date when you're sexy but don't have orgasms.

GAY #1 - I hear you. When I was with Jonathan, I'd try -

ANGELA PHAM - I mean, excuse me if I want someone who's self-effacing but creative and white but sort of not and goofy but mostly serious.

GAY #2 - Totes. My mother used to say, "when life gives you -

ANGELA PHAM - Nevermind the fact that so many men just don't get my style. If drawn and quartered badgers pasted on a terry-cloth towel don't make sense in your eyes, that's on YOU, broseph.

GAY #3 - Last night, I went on a date wearing this awesome -

ANGELA PHAM - I think I just need to leave Brooklyn. That's the ticket.

GAY #1 - Hey, Angela? Maybe next time you want a night out with "your gays", you can take cardboard cut-outs of us instead.

GAY #2   - Yep, that would be a win-win. We wouldn't have to pretend to care about you, and the cardboard cuts-outs would get some much-needed carbon dioxide.

ANGELA PHAM - Did I tell you about the macaroni in bechamel sauce? **gays leave, she doesn't even notice** If you're going to throw food, at least make sure it's clear.

Maggie and Eli go out for drinks...

ELI KLEIN - Hey, Liz, wanna grab some drinks with Maggie and me? 

LIZ MARGUILES - Sorry, there's a hobo who sleeps in my alley that needs his ass washed tonight.

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - **whispers to Liz** Don't leave me alone with him, please god.

LIZ MARGUILES - You know how it goes. When hobo ass calls.... **leaves**

ELI KLEIN - Here, Maggie. Drink this Cosmo. It's got powerful antioxidant Rohypnols.


ELI KLEIN - Ignore that last part. Powerful antioxidants, that's all.

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - **sips tentatively** Last time I took a drink from you, I ended up seeing both of your apartments.

ELI KLEIN - You've really got to learn to control your alcohol intake. How are you ever going to separate dog poop bags professionally if you're sloppy drunk all the time?

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - Well, this has been fun. I've got to meet my beefy boyfriend out for dinner.

ELI KLEIN - Oh. If I had known you had other plans, I would have made your drink less, um... strong.

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - See you tomorrow. **walks out the door, collapses in a heap on the street**

Amy and Kerri meet with the End of Century girls to get to know each other...

CHANTAL CHADWICK - And so then, I moved here from Georgia, and worked hard to adopt a Mid-Atlantic accent exactly like Lilith from Cheers.

KERRI LISA - Fascinating.


CLAUDIA MARTINEZ REARDON - My story isn't as interesting, unfortunately. My parents helped me move here and invest in my dream of starting a gallery, and then my "business partner" did absolutely nothing to help me and took pleasure in watching me work my ass off while she went off to get stupid hair cuts.

CHANTAL CHADWICK - Sounds like a real bitch.

AMY POLIAKOFF - Well, enough about all that. Who wants to head to the Upper East Side and get FUCKED UP?!?!

KERRI LISA - If I wanted to get fucked up, there are other places I'd head before the Upper East Side.

AMY POLIAKOFF - Did I hear correctly, or did you say the Upper East Side isn't a good place to get fucked up? I wouldn't live there if it wasn't.

KERRI LISA - Um, sorry? Listen, I gotta go. My dad needs me to rinse the beans for his chili. **leaves without paying**

CHANTAL CHADWICK - She could at least try to sound like she's not from Long Island.

AMY POLIAKOFF - It's sad, really.


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