Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Gallery Girls, Episode 3 - 'Wild Child"

Amy is "from a good family", which means she can hang out around the toilets and not feel weird about it.

At Eli Klein Fine Art...

ELI KLEIN - Maggie, what I need you to do today is count pebbles.

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - Seriously? The bonsai pebbles?!?

ELI KLEIN - You should be so lucky. The pebbles my dog left in the back. He's on new medication.


ELI KLEIN - Hey, Liz, wanna go eat creamy avocados across the street while Maggie counts shit?

LIZ MARGULIES - Sure, as long as I'm not required to actually listen to you speak.

ELI KLEIN - It's not required, but there are many young women out there who'd love to spend time with a budding John Lovitz.

LIZ MARGULIES - Are there really?

ELI KLEIN - No, I guess not.

At Liz's class at School of Visual Arts...

LIZ MARGULIES - Hey, weird quiet Asian kid! Did you step on my collage?

WQAK I - **shakes his head no** 

LIZ MARGULIES - Hey, other weird quiet Asian kid! Did you step on my collage?

WQAK II - **shakes his head no** 

LIZ MARGULIES - Hey, teach! Look what one of these weird quiet Asian kids did to my collage!!!!

PROFESSOR - Here is my quandary. Do I put a stop to these racist attacks, because I am in a position of leadership at a diverse institution? Or do I kiss the ass of a famous art dealer's daughter, who may one day help sell my work?

LIZ MARGULIES - Plan B. If there's one thing I've learned from cocaine-fueled unprotected sex, always choose Plan B.

PROFESSOR - Ok. Let's round them up for questioning.

At Dorrian's bar...

AMY POLKIAKOFF - **spots Maggie** Hey, girl! How's it - BLUUUUUUUURGGGGGHHH!!! **vomits all over Maggie** 

MAGGIE SCHAFFER - Did you eat hot dogs for lunch?

AMY POLKIAKOFF - No. I'm from a good family.

MAGGIE SCHAFFER -  Do people from good families help pay for dry cleaning after they vomit on somebody's dress?

AMY POLKIAKOFF - No. **leaves**

At the End of Century opening...

CHANTAL CHADWICK - So I just helped sell a dozen seven dollar necklaces. No big deal. 

CLAUDIA MARTINEZ REARDON - By "helped", do you mean you pouted at the person until they felt awkward and just bought it so you'd stop?

CHANTAL CHADWICK - Maybe you could take a lesson from me, smart ass. You haven't sold ONE $50,000 painting yet.

ANGELA PHAM - **dressed as a guacho** Whoooo, picture-taking guacho in the house! Whoa - did I just step into the middle of something?

CLAUDIA MARTINEZ REARDON - Oh, nothing. Chantal sold some shitty skull jewelry, so she's feeling validated.

CHANTAL CHADWICK - **pouts silently at Angela**

ANGELA PHAM - Ok, I'll take four pairs of earrings. Just please stop pouting at me.


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