 |
| Who needs dignity when a guy in a children's pirate hat notices you sometimes? |
In the living room...
SWIFT - **practicing salsa dancing with himself** Ba-ba-BAH, ba-ba-BAH... Turn, hip, swivel, turn...
MARIE - You fucking dick piece of shit asshole cunt whore face.
SWIFT - Say wha now?
MARIE - You heard me. Who do you think you are, practicing salsa dancing? You think you're Maks Chmerkovskiy or some shit?
SWIFT - Who?
MARIE - GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **storms out of the room**
BRANDON - Dude, practicing salsa dancing was taking it too far.
SWIFT - Excuse me? Didn't you destroy seven Ikea standing lamps last week?
BRANDON - Tsk tsk. There you go again, saying things and standing places. **storms out, leaves Swift by himself**
At da club, Laura meets a handsome stranger...
LATOYA - Go approach that dude with the asshole facial hair.
LAURA - Are you sure? Trey and I have been rubbing our nuts together for two weeks now.
LATOYA - Aw, that's nothing. Do it. P.S. - you have nuts?
LAURA - Shhhh. **approaches dude with asshole facial hair** Hey. I just met you. And this is crazy... but can you write your number down on a piece of paper?
RANDO - Are you quoting a song or noting how strange it is to write numbers down on paper in this age of technology?
LAURA - Um, both?
RANDO - Cool. **grinds his penis into her ass**
TREY - WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
RANDO - Pretty self-explanatory, really. This young lady, whose name escapes me at the moment, is grinding her ass on my penis.
TREY - **pulls Laura aside** HOW DARE YOU DANCE WITH A GUY AFTER I GOT CHELSEA PREGNANT BUT NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT IT?!?!?
LAURA - Wait... what did you say?
TREY - Um, nothing. Carry on. **leaves**
In the bedroom...
MARIE - I got you something.
ROBB - Boat shoes? Oh em gee! These must have cost at least 15 dollars!
MARIE - What can I say? You're worth it.
ROBB - I love you.
MARIE - I love you, too.
ROBB - Oh, that reminds me. Emily, that girl I was fucking before I met you? She's coming to visit, so you might have to stay in your own room for a week or two.
MARIE - Is this some kind of a joke?
ROBB - Ok, you got me. Obviously, you can both sleep in my bed together.
Swift innocently sits in a rocking chair while Brandon, Robb, and Marie get drunk and aggro...
MARIE - What a fucking asshole.
BRANDON - True dat, dawg. Look at him, sitting quietly in a chair.
MARIE - I would look at him, but I can't see him because he's black and it's dark outside!
ROBB - HAHAHA! Great racist joke. You really are the perfect woman.
MARIE - **farts and burps at the same time** That means "thank you" in Marie.
ROBB & BRANDON - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
SWIFT - Um, I'm going to go stand by the water.
MARIE - You do that, fuckface.
ROBB - You are on FIRE tonight, girlfriend!
**They all high-five**
THE END.
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