Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Real World St. Thomas, Episode 6 - "Smells Like Green Spirits"

Trey is the epitome of island style. 

Trey gets a phone call... 

CHELSEA - I need to talk to you about something...  

TREY - What's his name? WHAT'S HIS FUCKING NAME?

CHELSEA - I prefer Jaden. Tanner is cute, too. 

TREY - Hey... those are not names adults have! I'm confused. 

CHELSEA - Let me put it this way... We could be the older version of Catelynn and Tyler, if we so choose. 

TREY - Well, why didn't you just say so? You know I only understand things when couched as metaphors from MTV reality shows. 

CHELSEA - This means that makeshift ginger you've been effing is gonna have to hit the road. 

TREY - She can't. We live on an island. 

CHELSEA - UGH! What I meant was, you'll have to behave like Kenny Santucci when Sarah Rice is all up on his peener.

TREY - Ah, ok.

Trey reflectively sits by the beach in a chair, Brandon joins him...

BRANDON - Women. Am I right? 

TREY - No... it's not like that. 

BRANDON - So Chelsea's pregnant? 

TREY - Whoa. Sober Brandon is amazingly intuitive! 

BRANDON - I was actually hiding under the accent table during your phone call. 

TREY - Oh.

In St. Croix...

MARIE -  Being drunk is, like, the BEST FEELING. **downs an Irish car bomb** 

ROBB - Fuck yeah, it is. **they sloppily make out** 

BRANDON - Thanks, guys. Appreciate the support. 

MARIE - Hey, man. Don't get all up on our balls because you made bad body art choices and need to self-medicate to forget about it. **burps in his face** 

ROBB - Ha! Yeah. **farts in his general direction** 

BEER ON TABLE - **seductively winks at Brandon** Hiya, Brando. Imagine my name is Alyssa and put me deeeeeep inside your mouth. 


BEER ON TABLE  - Leave you alone? Haven't you been alone enough, sexy vest man? **starts to caress his arm** 

BRANDON - I'm in AA, you bitch! Don't you have some mutant pigs to entice? 

BEER ON TABLE - They only drink O'Douls. But I'm 4.5 % alcohol, and ready to party. **puts hand down his pants**

The other roommates return from the parade to find Brandon yelling at a beer to stop putting its hand down his pants...

SWIFT - We gotta find a way to get this guy out of the house. 

LATOYA - F'real.


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