Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Real World St. Thomas Episode 5 - "Clean Break"

Alyssa makes Brandon feel like a natural woman.

Brandon gets off the phone with way-out-of-his-league Alyssa...

BRANDON - Alyssa called. SHE'S COMING OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SWIFT - I don't believe it! Seriously. I don't believe it. 

BRANDON - She said she might stop by later. Oh Em Gee, I've gotta decorate my room, dawg!  

SWIFT - So, "stop by", as in take a cab to the dock, wait for Ricky to get out of bed to rev up the boat, and then cross the bay to get to our island? 

BRANDON - Yeah! **holds up candles** Votives or tapers? 

SWIFT - Um... votives.

Brandon dreamily lays in his bed, waiting for Alyssa...

BRANDON - You know that feeling, when someone makes you feel so beautiful, even though you're kind of pudgy and have weird tats?  

LAURA - Not really. 

BRANDON - Well, I'm feeling it right now. In fact, I'm going to hold off on masturbating for the next hour, so I'm extra-ready when she shows up. 

LAURA- I'm impressed with your self-control. 

BRANDON - Thank you.

Brandon waits eight hours, Alyssa never "stops by". He self-medicates on the mainland...

BRANDON - **slurring** I gotta greaat idddeeaaa... I'm gonnnnnna call my ex and tell her how muuuuuch I love and miiiiiissssss her... 

SWIFT - I think you should not do that. 

BRANDON - Fuck you. You don't know what it's like to get dissed by a hot chick, bro. 

SWIFT - You're right, I don't. 

BRANDON  - **calls girl he went on one date with in 2007** Baby, I miss you so much. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, besides the time Dennis Rodman stopped in the piercing shop for a new navel ring. Call me. **breaks a shit ton of Ikea furniture**

The group feigns excitement upon learning they have to work. They interview for internships at Coral World Ocean Park...

MARIE - I rule at interviews. **burps and farts at the same time**

INTERNSHIP LADY - Yep, you nailed it. **writes down "urinal duty" on her clipboard**

TREY - **wearing a children's pirate hat** As for me, I drink a lot and am hungover a lot, but not nearly as much as my roommates. For that reason, I believe I am well-suited to manage this entire aquarium. 

INTERNSHIP LADY - Uh huh. **writes down "seal poop clean-up" on her clipboard**

SWIFT -  My mom's a prosecutor, soooooo.... 


SWIFT - Crap. That usually works. 

LATOYA - I can doggie paddle about two feet before drowning. 

INTERNSHIP LADY - I appreciate your honesty. **writes down "lifeguard" on her clipboard** 

LAURA - And I love animals. Like, looooooooooove them. Like,  I like to put them near my privates when I'm naked n' stuff.

INTERNSHIP LADY - Got it. **writes down "call police" on her clipboard**


No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal