 |
| The Wild n' Crazy Guy routine gets old fast. |
At the mansion...
CHRIS HARRISON - Alright, gang. We're all going to suit up for the Sit-In-A-Heart Challenge!
REID ROSENTHAL - What do you mean "we"?
CHRIS HARRISON - I'm single now, bro-ham. I'm competing for a quarter of a million dollars, and the chance to impregnate one, or both, of the twins!
TWINS - No thanks.
CHRIS HARRISON - Aw, c'mon. I'm hip! I'm with it! **puts on a pair of Oakley sunglasses**
KALON MCMAHON - As a luxury brand consultant, I consult you to remove those from your face.
CHRIS HARRISON - Ugh, fine. But will you guys at least let me sit at the foot of the bed when somebody's making out?
CHRIS BUKOWSKI - Ok, but once clothes start coming off, you gotta cover your eyes.
CHRIS HARRISON - Deal! Let the games begin!
ED SWIDERSKI - **appears in his underpants, burps loudly** What did I miss?
JACLYN SWARTZ - Oh, nothing but all the rules of the entire show.
ED SWIDERSKI - Pardon me for not taking fucking BACHELOR PAD seriously enough.
TWINS - Dude's got a point.
JACLYN SWARTZ - Shut it, whores.
Teams compete in the Sit-In-A-Heart Challenge, SuperFans win...
CHRIS "SWAT" BAIN - I can't stop crying. Everything about being in this mansion reminds me of the show.
ERICA ROSE - It reminds everyone of the show, because this is where it was filmed, genius.
DAVID MALLET - You can't talk to us like that! Without SuperFans, you'd be out of a job!
ERICA ROSE - Haha, you think I come on these shows for money? You need to take a psychology course and brush up on narcissistic personality disorder.
Jamie approaches Chris at the pool...
JAMIE OTIS - Chris, will you accompany me to a bed in a private room?
CHRIS BUKOWSKI - Sure. **makes out with her, but her false eyelashes loosen and get stuck on his face**
BLAKELEY JONES - **opens the door** ET TU, BRUTE?
CHRIS BUKOWSKI - Who's Brute? My name's Chris.
BLAKELEY JONES - How dare you betray me after I've considered waxing your eyebrows to a shape more compatible with your bone structure?
CHRIS BUKOWSKI - Well, maybe if you would have told me that, things would have gone differently.
BLAKELEY JONES - You have a spider on your face, anyway.
JAMIE OTIS - That's my eyelash.
BLAKELEY JONES - YES! Finally, someone trashier than me.
At the elimination...
CHRIS HARRISON - Paige and Swat, please leave immediately.
PAIGE VIGIL - Can I at least blow Reid in the bathroom first?
CHRIS HARRISON - Fine, but make it quick. Swat, your tears are ruining the suede on my shoes.
CHRIS "SWAT" BAIN - **sniffles** Sorry. I'm just s-s-so glad to have had the opportunity to be here. It really was a dream come true.
CHRIS HARRISON - Here, at least use a tissue, man. Get it together.
THE END.
No comments:
Post a Comment