Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Bachelor Pad Season 3 - Episode 1

The Wild n' Crazy Guy routine gets old fast.

At the mansion...

CHRIS HARRISON - Alright, gang. We're all going to suit up for the Sit-In-A-Heart Challenge!

REID ROSENTHAL - What do you mean "we"? 

CHRIS HARRISON  - I'm single now, bro-ham. I'm competing for a quarter of a million dollars, and the chance to impregnate one, or both, of the twins! 

TWINS - No thanks.  

CHRIS HARRISON - Aw, c'mon. I'm hip! I'm with it! **puts on a pair of Oakley sunglasses** 

KALON MCMAHON - As a luxury brand consultant, I consult you to remove those from your face. 

CHRIS HARRISON - Ugh, fine. But will you guys at least let me sit at the foot of the bed when somebody's making out? 

CHRIS BUKOWSKI - Ok, but once clothes start coming off, you gotta cover your eyes. 

CHRIS HARRISON - Deal! Let the games begin!

 ED SWIDERSKI - **appears in his underpants, burps loudly** What did I miss?

JACLYN SWARTZ - Oh, nothing but all the rules of the entire show.

 ED SWIDERSKI  - Pardon me for not taking fucking BACHELOR PAD seriously enough.

TWINS - Dude's got a point.  

JACLYN SWARTZ - Shut it, whores.

Teams compete in the Sit-In-A-Heart Challenge, SuperFans win...

CHRIS "SWAT" BAIN - I can't stop crying. Everything about being in this mansion reminds me of the show. 

ERICA ROSE - It reminds everyone of the show, because this is where it was filmed, genius. 

DAVID  MALLET - You can't talk to us like that! Without SuperFans, you'd be out of a job! 

ERICA ROSE - Haha, you think I come on these shows for money? You need to take a psychology course and brush up on narcissistic personality disorder.

Jamie approaches Chris at the pool... 

JAMIE OTIS - Chris, will you accompany me to a bed in a private room? 

CHRIS BUKOWSKI - Sure. **makes out with her, but her false eyelashes loosen and get stuck on his face** 

BLAKELEY JONES - **opens the door** ET TU, BRUTE? 

CHRIS BUKOWSKI  - Who's Brute? My name's Chris.  

BLAKELEY JONES - How dare you betray me after I've considered waxing your eyebrows to a shape more compatible with your bone structure? 

CHRIS BUKOWSKI  - Well, maybe if you would have told me that, things would have gone differently. 

BLAKELEY JONES - You have a spider on your face, anyway. 

JAMIE OTIS - That's my eyelash. 

BLAKELEY JONES - YES! Finally, someone trashier than me.

At the elimination... 

CHRIS HARRISON - Paige and Swat, please leave immediately. 

PAIGE VIGIL - Can I at least blow Reid in the bathroom first? 

CHRIS HARRISON - Fine, but make it quick. Swat, your tears are ruining the suede on my shoes. 

CHRIS "SWAT" BAIN - **sniffles** Sorry. I'm just s-s-so glad to have had the opportunity to be here. It really was a dream come true. 

CHRIS HARRISON - Here, at least use a tissue, man. Get it together. 


No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal