Monday, June 4, 2012

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 6 - "Uncivil Union"

Rosie Pierri shares the shocking news that she is a lesbian.

The Wakiles gather at a pizzeria...

ROSIE PIERRI - **ringing her hands, nervously** Kids, I got something to tell you.  

VICTORIA WAKILE - We already know you're a lesbian.  

ROSIE PIERRI - What?! How did you know?  

JOEY WAKILE - The same way I know the sky is blue and that my dad's eyesight is poor.  

ROSIE PIERRI  - Well, that was easy. **points to pizza crust** You gonna eat that?

At the Wakile shore house... 

RICHIE WAKILE - Hey, Rosie. I hired some Russian teenagers for you to gawk at.

ROSIE PIERRI - Nah, that's not my thing.

RICHIE WAKILE - Is a retired baller's slam piece with inked flotation devices stapled to her chest your thing?

ROSIE PIERRI - Only if she's 52.

KATHY WAKILE - Perfect! Meet Heather Robinson.

HEATHER ROBINSON -  Hey-yo! **rubs fake breasts against Rosie in the hot tub**

ROSIE PIERRI - So does this mean we're hooking up later?

HEATHER ROBINSON - Huh? No way. It means there are cameras here and I'll take masculine attention wherever I can get it.

At a dangerous abandoned warehouse, in what I'm assuming is Paterson...

JOE GORGA - Welcome to the future in dangerous warehouse living.  

MELISSA GORGA - Wow! So we own this beautiful piece of property?  

JOE GORGA - You betcha. Homeless people are scheduled to start moving in tomorrow. Big money in that market.  

MELISSA GORGA - **whispers** It... Feels... Creepy. **starts running around like she's in a horror movie**  

JOE GORGA - What the fuck are you doing?  

MELISSA GORGA - Shhh, dumbass! I'm working on my audition tape for Drop Dead Diva. They'll let anyone on their show.  

JOE GORGA - Oh yeah. Hey, don't step on that rusty nail. I want to keep everything authentic for our new tenants.

On the bus back to Jamie Laurita's Tree Of Life house in Barrington, Illinois...

ALBERT MANZO - PU. Who farted?  

JOE GIUDICE - Must be Gregg.  He's got the loosest asshole.  

GREG BENNETT - Nice. Thanks.  

JOE GIUDICE - No, I just meant that cuz you're gay.  


JOE GIUDICE -  And because you're the most likely to have a dick up your ass, farts slide out more easily.  

GREG BENNETT - Alright. Enough.  

JOE GIUDICE  - No harm meant. It's just that out of everybody here, you have anal sex, so you pass gas more.

CAROLINE MANZO - It was me.  

JOE GIUDICE - Whoa. Albert, I didn't know you were that kinda guy.

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