Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dance Moms Episode 3 - "I Know What You Did Last Competition"

Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips.




At Abby Lee Miller Dance Studio...

ABBY LEE MILLER - This week, the group number will be White Privilege-themed. To include Nia, we'll give her a solo with African drums in the background.

KELLY HYLAND, BROOKE & PAIGE'S MOM - Why is Paige the only one wearing a green dress? Are you trying to embarrass her?

ABBY LEE MILLER  - She can switch dresses with Chloe.

KELLY HYLAND -  So why can't Paige be the one to stand out? You don't think she's good enough! 

ABBY LEE MILLER - So now you're going to fight about who gets to look like boogers. 

CHRISTI LUKASIAK, CHLOE'S MOM - Oh, so you're saying my daughter is a booger? 

HOLLY HATCHER-FRAZIER, NIA'S MOM - Why isn't Nia even being considered to wear the booger dress? It's like she doesn't even exist! 

ABBY LEE MILLER - That's it. I'm going to Wendy's. Everybody can fuck off.





Later on...

ABBY LEE MILLER - Maddie, you'll be doing a Helen Keller theme this week. 

KELLY HYLAND - How did Helen Keller burn her face? By answering the iron! 

ABBY LEE MILLER - Too soon, ok? Too soon.  

CHRISTI LUKASIAK - Why does Helen Keller wear skin tight pants? So you can read her lips! 

ABBY LEE MILLER - That isn't funny. Camel toe is not a laughing matter.

HOLLY HATCHER-FRAZIER, NIA'S MOM - How do you punish Helen Keller? By rearranging the living-room furniture!

ABBY LEE MILLER - ENOUGH! This is a serious piece! Now Maddie, angrily prance in a circle around this rag doll with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears.




At the Energetic Mastication Fermentation competition in Michigan...


ANNOUNCER - **reading from roster** Let's welcome Helen Keller to the stage. Wait - what?!? I could have sworn Helen Keller was dead. Somebody help me out here. 

ABBY LEE MILLER - Today, she is very much alive. 

ANNOUNCER - Seriously? I did NOT sign up to announce a competition for blind and deaf ghosts. I could have gone to Home Depot today.   

ABBY LEE MILLER - No, it's an interpretive piece.   

ANNOUNCER - So Ann Sullivan is going to be performing it? 

ABBY LEE MILLER - No, not interpreter, interpretive. 

ANNOUNCER - I am very confused, and am starting to get angry. 

ABBY LEE MILLER - Let's just watch the dance first. **give Maddie her cue** 

MADDIE ZIEGLER - Ok! Here goes nothing! **angrily prances in a circle around a rag doll with her eyes closed and her fingers in her ears.** 

ANNOUNCER - Thank you, little girl. I am very impressed that a deaf n' dumb person could thrash about so good.  

ABBY LEE MILLER - NO! She's not deaf, she's just pretending to - Ugh. Nevermind. This is the last time I'm coming to Michigan.


THE END.

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