Monday, May 14, 2012

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 4 - "Drowning Pool"

Melissa Gorga is a good woman because she puts towels on kids.

At the Wakile family BBQ...

TERESA GIUDICE - Victoria! Joey! Where are all your friends?  

JOEY WAKILE - They, uh, died. 

VICTORIA WAKILE - Yep. Up and died in a big tsunami at the high school. 

RICH WAKILE - **whispers to Victoria** Not tsunami. Earthquake. Jesus. 

TERESA GIUDICE - Well, that's too bad. I wanted to get approval on my spray tan from some young folk. 

GIA GIUDICE - I like it, mommy. 

TERESA GIUDICE - Not you. Cool young folk. 

JOE GORGA - Tre, want to talk in the shade? Bro to sis? 

TERESA GIUDICE - **immediately starts crying** See? You've changed! When we were little, you would have just dragged me by the ear to the shade! 

JOE GORGA - Well, we're adults now... 

TERESA GIUDICE - It's that horrible, cold wife of yours that did this to you.

**Bravo runs repeated footage of Melissa Gorga putting towels on Gabriella to show that she is extremely nurturing** 

JOE GORGA - How dare you. She puts towels on kids, ok? Towels. 

TERESA GIUDICE - It's the same kid each time! 

JOE GORGA - We're just going to have to agree to disagree. Want some sangria while I'm up? 

TERESA GIUDICE - The old you would have just brought me the sangria without asking first! 

JOE GORGA - I can't believe we came out of the same Italian immigrant's vagina.

TERESA GIUDICE - Yeah, well... believe it. Even though it makes me feel weird when you put it like that.

At the love nest above the Brownstone...

ALBERT MANZO - Remember how much fun I used to have up here with other women that are not you? 


ALBERT MANZO - Shit. I meant with you. Remember how much fun I used to have with you? 

CAROLINE MANZO - Don't worry. I can look past anything if you keep buying me Jaguars.

ALBERT MANZO - Even in spite of my rampant, in your-face philandering, we've done pretty well as a couple, eh?

CAROLINE MANZO  - Yep. Your dad was murdered, convicted felon Bernie Kerik is among our best friends, and our children haven't really found any career or personal success. 

ALBERT MANZO - But don't forget that we have a show on Bravo. We're in the company of people like Big Poppa, and the Count and Countess of De Lesseps. 

CAROLINE MANZO - True dat. **they fuck**

At the Giudice Compound...

JOE GIUDICE - **doing the splits on a splits-contraption** Your brother Joe - he's a pussy!

TERESA GIUDICE - Pussy, like a cat? He totally is just like a cat! Good one, babe.

JOE GIUDICE - **stretching his ball sac to the max** And that Rosie? Straight-up Butchie Boy.

TERESA GIUDICE - I don't know what a Butchie Boy is, but I have a feeling it's true if you said it.

JOE GIUDICE - **pushes into his split so hard that his face is in his crotch** Then you got that A-rab Richie, autoimmune disorder-eyes Kathy, and last but not least, Mr. Ed.

TERESA GIUDICE   - You know Mr. Ed? I love that show!

JOE GIUDICE - No, idiot, Melissa Gorga.

TERESA GIUDICE - Cuz she looks like a horse? HAHA! Joe, you're hilarious! Every stol-stice, i thank Jesus that I got you to show me how to do stuff.

JOE GIUDICE - Hey, Tre? I think I'm stuck in my split.

TERESA GIUDICE - **tries to pull him off splits contraption** Eeeee. Eeeee. Eeeee.

JOE GIUDICE -  Crap. We gotta get the medics out here.

No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal