Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 3 - "Third Eye Blind"

Third eye blind.

Rosie is exasperated while caring for the Giudice and Gorga kids...

ROSIE PIERRI - Oh, christ. Milania, what the hell are you doing?

MILANIA GIUDICE - Quietly talking about shitting with Antonia.

ROSIE PIERRI - Holy nut balls. You kids drive me up a wall!

GINO GORGA - Wheee! Riding on my scooter in the vicinity of an empty street!

ROSIE PIERRI - NOOOOO! Scooter-riding? What's next, bar-hanging over soft carpeting?

GIA GIUDICE - Look at Milania! She's moved from the bathroom to the closet, where she's doing really well-formed pull-ups on a low bar!

ROSIE PIERRI - I can't handle this. Stop the insanity!

AUDRIANA GIUDICE - **eating a cookie** Yummy.

ROSIE PIERRI - A cookie, now? How much more can I take with these crazy kids, huh?**pours herself a huge glass of Joe Giudice's homemade wine** Yeah, that's the ticket.

ANTONIA PIERRI, ROSIE'S MOTHER - So lucky you never found the right guy and had kids, eh? You couldn't handle it!

ROSIE PIERRI - Still in denial about me being a raging lesbo, huh?

ANTONIA PIERRI - A-you-betcha.

At the Manzo dinner table...

CAROLINE MANZO - I know it's hard for you, Lauren. Albie and Chris are so handsome, thin, and successful, and then there's you.

CHRIS MANZO - **some ham falls on his double chin** The secret is to cut out the carbs.

ALBIE MANZO - And the key to success is to get your uncle to bankroll your ventures, and then never pay him back when they fail.

CHRIS MANZO - As for being handsome, that's just something you're born with. **winks, half of his eyebrow falls off**

LAUREN MANZO - I'm trying, guys. But maybe if I had more support, everything would be easier for me.

VITO - I support you, Lauren. **pulls up pornographic images of hot blondes on his phone, jerks off under the dinner table**

CAROLINE MANZO - Ha! Vito, you're quite the cut-up.

LAUREN MANZO - I'm going to go sit in the garage with the car running.

ALBERT MANZO - Don't use the Benz. Use the Range.

LAUREN MANZO - Thanks, dad. Love you all.

**nobody looks up**

At the Solstice party...

MELISSA GORGA - So let me get this straight. You're mad that I was mad that you said I'd leave my husband for a richer man.

TERESA GIUDICE - Right. And because you said the word "jail." Here in Northern Jersey, we only say that when it's a black person.

MELISSA GORGA - Ok, that's totally sensible.

TERESA GIUIDICE - I knew you'd come around.

MELISSA GORGA - I was being sarcastic.

TERESA GIUDICE - What's that mean? Don't use words I don't know.

KIM D, OWNER OF POSCHE AND OVERALL CLASSY LADY - Sarcasm is like when people tell me I should cut back on the drinking and tanning. I know they don't really mean it.

TERESA GIUDICE - I told my brother bad things about you in... what's the word? Consciences?

KIM D - Conciousness.

TERESA GIUDICE - In conciousness.

MELISSA GORGA - Well, it got back to me.

TERESA GIUDICE - I'm not the one running around trying to develop my talents when I got three kids and a husband at home!

MELISSA GORGA - What about the cookbook?

TERESA GIUDICE - Haha, nice try! I said "talents."

KIM D - Zing!

MELISSA GORGA - Don't you have some drinking and tanning to be doing?

KIM D - Yeah. See ya. **leaves**

TERESA GIUDICE - Well, I refuse to have this conversation without my translator present. **starts to leave**

MELISSA GORGA - Run away, coward, like you always do!

TERESA GIUDICE - Aw HELL naw! **gets in Melissa's face, Melissa flicks the bindi off Teresa's forehead**  MY EYE!!!!! SHE GOUGED MY EYE!!!!

TIA, REALLY SPIRITUAL LADY - It's not real, Teresa. It's a spiritual third eye.


To be continued....

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