Monday, April 30, 2012

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 2 - "Poker Face"

This one's for Lebanon, bitch.

At the site of Joe's vacant pizzeria...

JOE GIUDICE - No more Giuseppe's Homestyle Pizzeria for the good people of Hillside, New Jersey. The first business ever to close for just being too damn successful.

TERESA GIUDICE - At least dey still got da gas station across the street.

JOE GIUDICE -  Nope. That's gone, too. I'm going to "develop" an assisted living community in that very spot.

TERESA GIUDICE - Joe, listen. I was fine with dat infant day care covered in asbestos you built.

JOE GIUDICE - Hey, man, it was the eighties.  

TERESA GIUDICE - Heck, I was even ok with da dog shelter with da faulty fire protection equipment, or whatever.

JOE GIUDICE - They were going to die anyway. It wasn't like it was a no-kill.

TERESA GIUDICE - But old people, Joe? Maybe you should take a breather on da real estate stuff.

JOE GIUDICE - What would you have me do, Tre? Make broccoli rabe while ignoring an injured Audriana and let the other two murder each other?

TERESA GIUDICE -  Three. Gabriella.

JOE GIUDICE - I always forget about her.

TERESA GIUDICE - Me too. But, yeah. That's what you should do.

JOE GIUDICE - But I'm still the best at everything, right? Right, Tre? I'm number one.

TERESA GIUDICE - You're number one to me. Ok, off to my fab career as an NYT bestselling author! Mwah.

JOE GIUDICE - **whispers** Bitch.

At poker...

ALBIE MANZO - So no more Giuseppe's Homestyle Pizzeria for the good people of Hillside, New Jersey, huh?

JOE GIUDICE - No matter how many of my business ventures fail - thirteen for the record - as least I'm not in the gas station business.

RICH WAKILE - Excuse me?

JOE GIUDICE - You heard me. Gas station man.

RICH WAKILE - You've got some balls calling me that, Danny Devito.

JOE GIUDICE - At least I have balls. **tries to grab Rich's balls, but falls on the soft couch and gets a black eye**

RICH WAKILE - **stands over Joe's body** Lebanon in the motherfuckin' house. **spits on him**

At the Fat Doctor's office... 

CAROLINE MANZO - Hello, Fat Doctor.

DR. PERRICONE - It's Dr. Perricone.

CAROLINE MANZO - I'll call you whatever I want.

DR. PERRICONE - You are terrifying, so you may. Now what can I do for you?

LAUREN MANZO - Well, I got real tired of being a makeup artist my second day on the job.

CAROLINE MANZO  - They didn't respect that she was the daughter of Caroline Manzo, yet they thought Caroline Manzo was the reason she got the gig.

DR. PERRICONE  - Those things kind of cancel each other out.

CAROLINE MANZO - **stares at him coldly** 


LAUREN MANZO - So now I'm fat and jobless. Figure I could change at least one of those.

DR. PERRICONE  - Ok, my prescription is diet and exercise.


DR. PERRICONE  - That's it.

CAROLINE MANZO - I could have gotten better tips in Parade Magazine. You'll be hearing from Albert.

DR. PERRICONE  - Albert Manzo?

CAROLINE MANZO - You betcha.

DR. PERRICONE  - Here's that Kardashian diet pill.  Please let me live.

**Lauren and Carolina high-five**

At the Wakile household...

KATHY WAKILE - **on the communal Wakile laptop** Listen to this. "LOL, Joey Wakile. Here are some nudie pics, LOL."

RICH WAKILE - Why would you be laughing out loud while taking a nudie pic?

KATHY WAKILE - I just don't get kids today.

RICH WAKILE - Me neither. Hey, I gotta, uh, take a dump. One that's sure to take at least 15 minutes. Mind if I take the laptop with me?

KATHY WAKILE - Not a chance.



  1. Omg I just laughed so hard I think I lost an organ. Thanks.

  2. For the poker novice, an essential poker ability improvement plan should be important for their learning system. trancedance


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