Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Dance Moms, Episode 10 - "Miami Heat Wave"

Nia forgives and forgets.

At Abby Lee Miller Studios in Pittsburgh, PA...

PAIGE - Gotta get my warts lopped off, see you a-holes in a few. **leaves**

ABBY LEE MILLER - What a pleasant young lady.

HOLLY, NIA'S MOM - Can Nia take Paige's place in the trio in the event that a, um, "hobo" puts his cigarette out on Paige's wart wounds, rendering her unable to dance?

ABBY LEE MILLER - That was the plan, but since you had the utter gall to ask, I've changed my mind.

CHRISTI, CHLOE'S MOM - Look who's talking about udders. **looks at Abby's massive bosoms**

ABBY LEE MILLER - Shut up. Holly, Nia is expelled. For life.

HOLLY, NIA'S MOM - You can't treat me this way! Don't you know who I am?

ABBY LEE MILLER  - An elementary school principal in a decaying rust belt suburb?

HOLLY, NIA'S MOM - Yeah. Pretty much.

ABBY LEE MILLER  - Please leave.


In Miami Beach, FL...

ABBY LEE MILLER -  Girls, let's go to the beach and give your mothers some time to have pool sex with the hotel's engineering staff.

MADDIE - What does that mean?

ABBY LEE MILLER  - See the "sore" your mommy gets on her lip every month? That.

**The girls do flips in the ocean while Abby suns herself, completely ignoring them**

BROOKE - We're back!

ABBY LEE MILLER  - Cool story, bro.

CHLOE - Aren't you going to ask where Mackenzie is?

ABBY LEE MILLER  - Wasn't planning on it. Maddie, cover this upper-thigh mole with Banana Boat SPF15.

NIA - Mackenzie floated away. Said she wanted the "sea god" to "take her home."

ABBY LEE MILLER - I always thought there was something a little off about that kid. Well, let's go get ready for the competition.

At Florida International University...

JUDGE - I'd like to welcome you all to this dreary gymnasium. Don't judge us.

**Girls perform Beach Blanket Bingo routine, which is spent crouched behind a giant umbrella**

JUDGE -  The musical theater competition was last weekend, girls. Sorry. Nia is next!

NIA - **flips n' forgets** FUCK! **runs off stage**

HOLLY, NIA'S MOM -  Don't cry, angel. I've got a twenty and some hard candies burning a hole in my pocket. **talks to judges** They're going to let you try again. This is a very valuable lesson about bribery.

JUDGE - Next up, showing what a joke of a competition this is, is Nia again. Christ. I should have listened to my father and gone into podiatry.

**Nia gets through whole dance without getting "Startled Doe Face."

ABBY LEE MILLER -  Well, I'm headed to Nikki Beach to meet up with the Harlem Globetrotters. Catch you losers at 6 am tomorrow.

CHLOE - How do you know we're losers? They haven't given awards yet. 

ABBY LEE MILLER - I just know. Don't wait up.


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