Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes Episode 6 - "Tainted Love"

It's not cheating until the body shots start.

In La Republica Dominicana...

TJ LAVIN - I've squirted KY Warming Personal Lubricant all over this tarp.

PAULA WALNUTS -  I don't need that stuff when Ty's around.

TJ LAVIN - Gross. Your challenge for today is to run up and down said tarp.

JOHNNY BANANAS - That's easy. I keep one of these in my backyard. For, um, practice.

TJ LAVIN   - I wasn't done. You've got to maintain eye contact with me the entire time.

ANEESA - But that's pretty distracting after the radical reconstructive surgery you got on your face. One of your eyes is higher than the other!

TJ LAVIN  - DISQUALIFIED! I don't need the commentary on my looks. It's hard, ok? **starts crying**

ANEESA - **pats his shoulder** Hey, man, I'm sorry.

TJ LAVIN - **pushes arm away** Get off me. You're still disqualified.

RACHEL - What if we donate fifty bucks to the BMX Bikers Who Have Fallen Off Their Bikes And Required Facial Surgery Fund?

TJ LAVIN -  You'd actually do that for the BBWHFOTBARFS Fund? That's huge.

ANEESA - Make it twenty five.

TJ LAVIN - That'll work.

**Teams run up and down tarp while maintaining eye contact with TJ.  Camila and Johnny win** 

At da club, Ty and Paula get their flirt on...  

TY - Awww, I'm 'bout to kiss you!


TY - PSYCH! Awww, I'm 'bout to kiss you again...



**They do everything but kiss, even have anal intercourse, because for some reason if you don't kiss, it is not cheating** 

CT - So cute. Remember when we were like that?

DIEM - Don't cheapen our relationship. We didn't have anal sex in public until the six-month mark.


DIEM - W-w-what? But I'm so quirky! I'm a walking Jennifer Anniston vehicle!

CT -  Exactly. It's wicked annoying.

Camila and Johnny pick who's going into the dome...

JOHNNY BANANAS - Lesbians, you're going into the dome.

RACHEL -  Because we're lesbians? So typical.

CAMILA - It's actually because you are both very mean.

ANEESA - Oh. Fair enough.

In the dome...

TJ LAVIN -  Try and wrap this office-sized rubber band around both of your bodies.

DUNBAR - No prob.

TJ LAVIN - I'm not done! You've got to maintain eye contact with me the entire time.

ANEESA - Again?!

TJ LAVIN - You don't know what it's like! I'm starved for eye contact! STARVED!

**They try to wrap**

DUNBAR - Rachel and Aneesa, Robin's writhing in the dirt nude!


ANEESA - Where? **the both look for Robin, losing eye contact with TJ**

TJ LAVIN - You lose!

TY - Yes! Paula and I can resume our shallow and meaningless relationship!

PAULA WALNUTS - But you said you loved me.

TY - I also told the wall I loved it last night. Doesn't mean jack.



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