Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Dance Moms Episode 8 - "The Runaway Mom"

Cathy brings shame on the great state of Ohio.





At Abby Lee Miller Studios...

KENDALL, JILL'S MOM - If you won't give me a solo and make me a star, I'm outta here!

CHRISTI, CHLOE'S MOM - Don't you mean if she won't give Kendall a solo and make her a star?

KENDALL, JILL'S MOM - Yeah. That's what I said. **they leave**

ABBY LEE MILLER - Good riddance. We don't need someone who doesn't understand the importance of teamwork.

KELLY, PAIGE'S MOM - Speaking of teamwork, who's at the top of the pyramid, crushing the self-worth of all below her and making them consider becoming cutters?

ABBY LEE MILLER - It's Nia. Here are cute tiny knives for the rest of you to help wallow in your failure.





Jill and Kendall arrive at Candy Apples Studio in Canton, Ohio...

CATHY - Welcome to Candy Apples Dance Studio!

GOTH CANDY APPLES MOM  - Just when you thought Ohio wasn't good for anything but John Boehner and Bone Thugs.

CATHY - Come partake in our bounty.

KENDALL, JILL'S MOM  - Wow, champagne???

PORTLY CANDY APPLES MOM - It's Welch's sparkling grape juice.  

KENDALL, JILL'S MOM - Ok, that's good, too. Hey, is that a cheese plate?!

GOTH CANDY APPLES MOM  -  I just cut some string cheese in half.

KENDALL, JILL'S MOM - Ah, but you have quite an array of magazines. **flips through stained and torn back issues of Highlights for Children**

CATHY - They're vintage.

KENDALL, JILL'S MOM - So do we need to remove our shoes?

CATHY - Oh, gosh no. We have a an illegal El Salvadoran girl that we let out of her cage once a night to clean. Any string cheese you don't eat will go to her.

KENDALL, JILL'S MOM - Ladies, I think I'm gonna like it here! **group circle jerk**




At the Fire and Ice dance competition...

ABBY LEE MILLER - Girls, I've bribed your fathers with an hour alone with Gionna to show up and  pretend they care about you.

GIONNA - I'm tired.

ABBY LEE MILLER - Suck it up. It's for morale.

MADDIE - Where's my dad?

ABBY LEE MILLER - You have a new dad now. But he isn't here, either. They must be gay.

**Girls perform bride dance.  Candle Apples perform funeral number**

VIVI-ANNE - I wish it had been Justice in that coffin.

CATHY -  Shhh! Reserve your death wishes for Abby Lee's kids.

ANNOUCER - Results are in. The brides win, and the dead kids lose. In light of recent school shootings, we found the theme quite insensitive.

CATHY - Your assholes are insensitive!

ANNOUCER -  Ahem. I'm going to ignore that. Moving on. Kendall wins, Nia loses.

HOLLY, NIA'S MOM - **bursts into tears** Nooooooooo!!!!

NIA'S DAD - You dragged me here for this? I'm going to go find Gionna.

NIA - Mom, it's ok. I did my best.

HOLLY, NIA'S MOM - - It's NOT ok! Fucking little brunette bitch! **gets out mini knife Abby Lee handed out**

ABBY LEE MILLER - Hey, hey, hey. Save that for home on your pillow.


THE END.

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