Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Dance Moms Episode 7 - "Bullets and Ballet"


The trio rehearses their number...

ABBY LEE MILLER - **to Paige** Hey, idiot, remember how to count to eight?

PAIGE - **sniffle, sniffle** Sorry, Abby.

ABBY LEE MILLER  - Go stand in the iron maiden in Studio B for eight hours. You'll never forget the number eight after that.

KELLY, PAIGE'S MOM - Abby Lee, is this really appropriate punishment for a little girl?

ABBY LEE MILLER - My mom did it to me, and look how I turned out!

KELLY, PAIGE'S MOM  - **silent, looks uncomfortably at the floor**

ABBY LEE MILLER  - Forget I said that.

JILL, KENDALL'S MOM - Why doesn't Kendall get to stand in the iron maiden for eight hours, huh?

ABBY LEE MILLER   - I got a better idea.

JILL, KENDALL'S MOM - Drawn and quartered? A big audience always turns out for that.


JILL, KENDALL'S MOM - NOOOOOO! Abby Lee, NOOOOO!   **Kendall is dragged away screaming by two large men in sunglasses**

At the "Hollywood But Not Anything Like Hollywood Except Danny Bonaduce Is A Judge Competition"...

ABBY LEE MILLER - Alright, let's see if Retard Paige can manage to not fuck this up. 

KELLY, PAIGE'S MOM - Excuse me? Retard Paige can do anything she puts her mind to! 

ABBY LEE MILLER - HA! You just called her Retard Paige. 

KELLY, PAIGE'S MOM - Shit. I meant just Paige. Regular Paige.

**Trio performs, spacing is so off that Maddy is actually performing off stage**

ABBY LEE MILLER - **face in her hands** Tell me when it's over.


ABBY LEE MILLER - **looks up, girls are still dancing** LIAR! I can't take this. **gets up**

CHRISTI, CHLOE'S MOM - Where are you going?

ABBY LEE MILLER - To sit on the toilet for a few hours. Don't text or email - I won't answer. **leaves** 

**The group number with guns takes the stage, performs well**

ANNOUNCER/JUDGE -  Real talk - guns are a very serious issue. And here at the Hollywood Competition, we don't condone certain themes.

HOLLY, NIA'S MOM - I knew it! Guns are a horrible example for children.

ANNOUNCER/JUDGE - But we LOVED this one! Real Americans holding real American guns! First place!

ABBY LEE MILLER - **back from sitting on the toilet** Hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.

HOLLY, NIA'S MOM - You have toilet paper stuck to your shoe.



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