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| Nothin' says Texas Hospitality like a cold gymnasium floor. |
Abby Lee gets a phone call in her office from the Director of Dance Explosion...
DIRECTOR - Hi, Abby Lee. Bad news. Dance Explosion in Secaucus, New Jersey, has been cancelled.
ABBY LEE MILLER - Say what now?
DIRECTOR - Cancelled. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives shut this shit down.
ABBY LEE MILLER - Bastard government. Ron Paul 2012!
DIRECTOR - Exactly. Well, take care now. **hangs up**
ABBY LEE MILLER - Gather 'round, children. Mackenzie, get your finger outta your damn nose.
MACKENZIE - Sorry.
ABBY LEE MILLER - Ok. It pains me greatly to report that we will not be going to New Jersey this weekend.
KENDALLL - NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! **punches Abby in the stomach**
MADDIE - WHY, GOD, WHY?!?!
NIA - **tries to impale herself on a ballet bar** Then what reason do I have to live? TELL ME WHAT REASON!!!!!!!
ABBY LEE MILLER - I know, I know. Secaucus is a special place. But maybe your Mommies will take you there over summer vacation.
CHLOE - **makes out with signed photo of The Situation** I'll see you someday.
ABBY LEE MILLER - Cut that out. The good news is that we'll be going to Texas instead!
PAIGE - NOOOOO!!!!! **punches Abby in the stomach**
MADDIE - WHY, GOD, WHY?!?
ABBY LEE MILLER - Girls, girls. It's not so bad. It'll be like any other competition.
The girls arrive at a vacant Kroger in Clute, Texas, with lye poured on the ground for them to dance on...
ABBY LEE MILLER - Ok. This is bad.
JILL, KENDALL'S MOM - Good thing I slapped together this sequined negligee for Kendall. Brightens the otherwise somber Clute mood.
ABBY LEE MILLER - That thing's obscene! How could you ask an 8-year-old to wear that?
CHRISTI, CHLOE'S MOM - How about this bra and panty set instead?
ABBY LEE MILLER - Ah, yes. Much better.
**Maddie dances to Spanish number on lye-covered floor, breaks her tail bone**
ABBY LEE MILLER - Damn it, Maddie! How many times have I told you when you're attempting a dive flip on lye in a vacant grocery store to tuck your head?
MADDIE - I'm sorry, Miss Abby. But those truckers over there are making me nervous.
**middle-age truckers spit chewing tobacky in cups while they leer at the girls**
ABBY LEE MILLER - Well, you probably won't get to walk ever again. How's that for nervous?
**Paige and Nia flip around on the lye to a symphonic score**
ANNOUNCER - Ladies, gentlemen, and Texans. The creepy truckers have voted, and they believe Paige should win first place.
KELLY, PAIGE'S MOM - Woooo! That's my girl!
ANNOUNCER - And the prize is an evening at the Golden Corral with our judges, followed by drinks in a darkened corn field!
ABBY LEE MILLER - Let's, um, head back to Pittsburgh, shall we?
PAIGE - But what about my prize?
ABBY LEE MILLER - I'll buy you and Ipad.
THE END.
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