Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Dance Moms Episode 6 - "Wardrobe Malfunctions"

Nothin' says Texas Hospitality like a cold gymnasium floor.

Abby Lee gets a phone call in her office from the Director of Dance Explosion...

DIRECTOR - Hi, Abby Lee. Bad news. Dance Explosion in Secaucus, New Jersey, has been cancelled.

ABBY LEE MILLER - Say what now?

DIRECTOR  - Cancelled. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives shut this shit down.

ABBY LEE MILLER - Bastard government. Ron Paul 2012!

DIRECTOR - Exactly. Well, take care now. **hangs up**

ABBY LEE MILLER - Gather 'round, children. Mackenzie, get your finger outta your damn nose.


ABBY LEE MILLER - Ok. It pains me greatly to report that we will not be going to New Jersey this weekend.

KENDALLL - NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! **punches Abby in the stomach**


NIA **tries to impale herself on a ballet bar** Then what reason do I have to live? TELL ME WHAT REASON!!!!!!!

ABBY LEE MILLER - I know, I know. Secaucus is a special place. But maybe your Mommies will take you there over summer vacation.

CHLOE - **makes out with signed photo of The Situation** I'll see you someday.

ABBY LEE MILLER - Cut that out. The good news is that we'll be going to Texas instead!

PAIGE - NOOOOO!!!!! **punches Abby in the stomach**


ABBY LEE MILLER - Girls, girls. It's not so bad. It'll be like any other competition.

The girls arrive at a vacant Kroger in Clute, Texas, with lye poured on the ground for them to dance on... 

ABBY LEE MILLER -  Ok. This is bad.

JILL, KENDALL'S MOM - Good thing I slapped together this sequined negligee for Kendall. Brightens the otherwise somber Clute mood.

ABBY LEE MILLER - That thing's obscene! How could you ask an 8-year-old to wear that?

CHRISTI, CHLOE'S MOM - How about this bra and panty set instead?

ABBY LEE MILLER - Ah, yes. Much better.

**Maddie dances to Spanish number on lye-covered floor, breaks her tail bone**

ABBY LEE MILLER  - Damn it, Maddie! How many times have I told you when you're attempting a dive flip on lye in a vacant grocery store to tuck your head?

MADDIE -  I'm sorry, Miss Abby. But those truckers over there are making me nervous.

**middle-age truckers spit chewing tobacky in cups while they leer at the girls**

ABBY LEE MILLER  - Well, you probably won't get to walk ever again. How's that for nervous?

**Paige and Nia flip around on the lye to a symphonic score**

ANNOUNCER - Ladies, gentlemen, and Texans. The creepy truckers have voted, and they believe Paige should win first place.

KELLY, PAIGE'S MOM - Woooo! That's my girl!

ANNOUNCER  - And the prize is an evening at the Golden Corral with our judges, followed by drinks in a darkened corn field!

ABBY LEE MILLER - Let's, um, head back to Pittsburgh, shall we?

PAIGE - But what about my prize?

ABBY LEE MILLER - I'll buy you and Ipad.


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