Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes Episode 3 - "Where Did Our Love Go?"

It's not you, it's your open wound and high-risk sexual behavior.

In Costa Rica...

TJ LAVIN - Dustin, you gotta go. You've done gay porn, you have an open wound, and none of us have the kind of money Magic Johnson has.

DUSTIN ZITO - That's pornist!

TJ LAVIN  - Heather, you gotta go, too.

HEATHER MARTER - But can't I just join Abram and Cara Maria's team? We had a threesome in the production room last night.

TJ LAVIN - Sorry, this isn't Mormon MTV. Unless Mitt Romney wins.

ROBIN - Who?

TJ LAVIN - And on that note, we're going to prove how ignorant and slow you all are with a trivia challenge!

**audible groans**

DIEM - That is really poor ediket, TJ.

RACHEL - Yeah. If you were speaking in an autitorium, I would leave.

TJ LAVIN - So first, strap on to these gurneys covered in the blood of HIV-positive Costa Ricans...

JOHNNY BANANAS - Hey! That's not fair! Why did Dustin have to go home?

TJ LAVIN  - Simple. I just don't like the guy.

ANEESA - **with busted lip** What about me?

TJ LAVIN - You can stay. Just keep those boobies where I can see them.

At the Challenge, TJ quizzes the contestants...

TJ LAVIN - Leroy. "Mary had a little..." -  fill in the blank.

LEORY - Penis?

TJ LAVIN - No. **flips Leroy off gurney into water below** Naomi, what's your last name?

NAOMI - Um... Uh... **flips**

TJ LAVIN - Dunbar, name the capital of the state in which you live.

DUNBAR - Pyongyang!

TJ LAVIN - Nope. **flips him** Paula, how old are you?


TJ LAVIN - HAHAHAHAHA! **flips her** Congratulations. You are all fucking idiots. I have permanent brain damage and I'm still smarter than you dumbasses.

CT - Yeah, but who wants to watch smart people on TV?

TJ LAVIN - Touché, CT. Touché.

At "The Dome"...

TJ LAVIN - Naomi and Leroy, as the dumbest of them all, you will battle Ty and Emily in The Dome to see who will become King of Tards. Here are the rules.

**everybody tunes out as TJ explains the rules, because it is boring**

TY - Wait... what are we doing?

TJ LAVIN - God damn it. Just clutch a pole while your partner tickles your privates. First one to laugh is out.

**the girls clutch a pole while their partners tickle their privates**

NAOMI - Tee hee hee. Sorry. I'm just so happy Leroy's finally touching me. **they lose**

TJ LAVIN - Emily and Ty, congrats on being cold and emotionless.

EMILY - What do we win?

TJ LAVIN - More time with each other to jump rope and take walks. Have fun with that.


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