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| Nothing says bad-ass bro-weekend like Canada. |
At the Gansevoort...
KIM KARDASHIAN - We're going to Connecticut.
SCOTT DISICK - Sweet! Shotgun!
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Not you, idiot.
SCOTT DISICK - B-b-but I'm Mason's father. And Kourtney's significant other.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - You're not that significant.
KIM KARDASHIAN - Sorry. It's a girls weekend.
SCOTT DISICK - But Mason isn't a girl.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - He will be by the time we're through with him. **drapes feather boa over Mason**
SCOTT DISICK - Well, have fun, I guess.
KIM KARDASHIAN - Oh, we will.**they leave**
SCOTT DISICK - Sigh. **sits in the corner, sulks**
KRIS HUMPHRIES - **enters** What's with the sulking, broseph dude bro?
SCOTT DISICK - The women make me feel like chopped liver.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Well, you know what they say... if it walks like chopped liver and smells like chopped liver...
SCOTT DISICK - Huh?
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Minnesota thing. Scott, don't worry about those pussy-whippin' fat asses.
SCOTT DISICK - Whoa. You went there.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Damn right I did, dude bra buddy. Stick with me, and you'll be a lady-defying baller in no time.
SCOTT DISICK - Ok. So what are we doing this weekend? Lifetime's got a Dance Moms marathon...
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Get real, Bro Diddly. We're taking a trip. The most masculine sojourn you could imagine.
SCOTT DISICK - Oh no... I could never go to Vegas without Kourtney's permission.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Vegas? Vegas is for pussies.
SCOTT DISICK - Well, last time I went to Tijuana I came back with Mad Cow disease...
KRIS HUMPHRIES - No! More dude-licious than amateur-ass Mexico.
SCOTT DISICK - Where, then?
KRIS HUMPHRIES - TORONTO! I'm talkin' Canada, home of Kardinal O!
SCOTT DISICK - But I'm Jewish.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Forget it. Let's just go!
In Toronto, Scott gets wasted, acts a fool, pees in trash can...
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Uh, remember when I told you Toronto is so frat-tastically bro-peep?
SCOTT DISICK - Fuck yeah!
KRIS HUMPHRIES - About that. You've taken it to far. This is still Canada. People are polite and empty their human waste in the proper receptacle.
SCOTT DISICK - Fine. I feel like shit, anyway. Let's hurry back to the relaxed pace of New York city so I can recover.
Back at the Gansevoort, Kim confronts Kris...
KIM KARDASHIAN - Um... Where the hell were you?
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Don't act like you don't know. It was all over facebook and twitter.
KIM KARDASHIAN - Yeah, but you can indulge me in this wife-scolding routine for at least a few minutes
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Ok, sorry. What do you mean, honey? I was just hanging out with "the guys."
KIM KARDASHIAN - That's not true! You were in a foreign country! How could you not tell me?
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Baby, I tried! **silence** So are we done with this now?
KIM KARDASHIAN - Yeah, we're done. **they fuck**
And Kourtney confronts Scott...
SCOTT DISICK - So, aren't you mad I left New York this weekend?
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Uh oh. I hope you weren't in Tijuana. I'm out of antibiotics.
SCOTT DISICK - No. I was in Canada, openly defying you.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - HAHAHAHA. Canada? You had a whole weekend to do whatever you wanted, and you went to Canada?!?
SCOTT DISICK - What's wrong with that, huh? It's where Degrassi is filmed!
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - You might as well have spent the weekend at the library!
SCOTT DISICK - I guess the jig is up. I can't hang anymore. Want to watch Dance Moms?
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - I have dinner plans.
SCOTT DISICK - Oh. Guess I'll just stay and watch alone... **looks up expectantly at Kourtney**
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Well... bye!
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