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Ben Flajnik takes orders from that bitchy little girl with the dark hair. |
At a theater in downtown Sonoma, California...
BEN FLAJNIK - You know what's fun? Watching videos of my dead dad with a perfect stranger sitting next to me.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Aw c'mon, perfect stranger? We spent four minutes talking about Yellow Tail at the cocktail reception last week.
BEN FLAJNIK - True. Love that shit. Well, since you're feeling so comfortable with me, why don't you grab a handful of popcorn?
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Haha, is this like when a guy cuts a hole in the tub and sticks his wiener through it?
BEN FLAJNIK - Haha, you're funny.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - **puts hand in** Oh. This IS like when a guy cuts a hole in the tub and sticks his wiener through it.
BEN FLAJNIK - Yep. Hey, look! My dad's doing his Christopher Walken impression!
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Cool. Can I take my hand out now?
BEN FLAJNIK - No.
Back at "the house"...
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Date card! Eeeeee!
ELYSE MYERS (WHO?) - Open it!
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Patience, ladies. Patience. **opens envelope** Ahem. "Dear Courtney, Let's play spin the bottle with both pairs of lips."
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - YEEAAAH! Fuckin' EAT IT, bitches!!!
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Whoa.
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - Das RIGHT! How'd it feel having those words come out of your mouth, trick?
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Um, ok, I guess. Have fun on your date.
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - Oh, I will. Cuz I'm gonna be havin' sex and y'all won't be. **makes humping motion in the air**
**everyone sits in awkward silence for a moment**
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - Wait. He was just kidding with that both pair of lips thing, right?
KACIE BOGUSKIE - I don't think so.
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - Damn.
At a dinner table in a forest...
BEN FLAJNIK - Welcome to a dinner table in a forest.
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - Thank you. What's with the tub of popcorn?
BEN FLAJNIK - Did the Pilgrims ask the Native Americans what was with the popcorn on Thanksgiving?
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - I'm... not sure?
BEN FLAJNIK - Me neither. Just grab a handful.
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - I'm scared.
BEN FLAJNIK - Shhhh. Do it.
In the luggage room back at "the house"...
BEN FLAJNIK - Why are you crouched behind a suitcase weeping?
BLAKELEY SHEA - This is my safe place.
BEN FLAJNIK - Mine was on Chris Harrison's private bidet last season. I understand what you're going through.
BLAKELEY SHEA - You do?
BEN FLAJNIK - Sure. You come on the show, with your high school soccer championship and your fabulous wavy hair, just to get all of your confidence knocked out of you.
BLAKELEY SHEA - Exactly! But with a Miss Mid-30s Charlotte sash and a great pair of breasts.
BEN FLAJNIK - So enough sulking. Let's go enjoy the cocktail reception.
BLAKELEY SHEA - I'm actually finding that crouching in the luggage room is a great hamstring workout. I think I'll stay.
BEN FLAJNIK - "Suitcase" yourself!
**silence**
BEN FLAJNIK - Get it?
BLAKELEY SHEA - Yeah, I get it.
BEN FLAJNIK - K. Bye.
In a bedroom at "the house"...
BEN FLAJNIK - **turns down covers to find Jenna weeping** Jenna. You ok?
JENNA BURKE - I'm having a gender crisis.
BEN FLAJNIK - So did Constantine last year. You'll get through it.
JENNA BURKE -I'm like a guy. But like a guy who never stops crying.
BEN FLAJNIK - You know, I think you might be too unstable to be here.
JENNA BURKE - I think you might be right.
BEN FLAJNIK - Really?
JENNA BURKE - No. Unstable people never have that kind of clarity. I'm stayin'! Forever!
**Jenna gets kicked off show**
JENNA BURKE - **hiding in rose bush** I meant it. I'm really staying.
PRODUCER - Please leave.
JENNA BURKE - Ugh, fine. Asshole.
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