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Dunbar is fit, fresh, and ready to have honey smeared all over his parts. |
At The Dome...
TJ LAVIN - Welcome to the 85th season of the Challenge. Let's introduce you to your partners. Oh wait - not necessary because you have all had Peen in Poon intercourse before.
ANEESA - Ahem. Excuse me?
TJ LAVIN - Except for you and Rachel. Whatever the fuck you two do with each other.
RACHEL - Well, fyi, first you take a dental dam, which you gently lay over -
TJ LAVIN - Yeah, ok. I've heard enough.
NATE - I haven't.
TJ LAVIN - Moving on. Mark, you're with Robin. Doubt you two will hook up because they don't prescribe Cialis in the Dominican Republic.
MARK LONG - Damn it.
TJ LAVIN - Dustin, your partner is the whole fake football team you fellated on Frat Pad.
DUSTIN ZITO - Sweet!
TJ LAVIN - Kidding. It's Heather.
DUSTIN ZITO - Oh.
TJ LAVIN - Ty, remember when you almost physically abused Emily?
TY - Of course.
TJ LAVIN - Well, you get a second chance!
TY - YES!
TJ LAVIN - There are some other couples here with potential of domestic violence. CT and Diem, Jasmine and Tyrie, Abram and Cara Maria...
ABRAM - Hey, man - that's part of our role-playing. Don't hate.
TJ LAVIN - My apologies. The rest of you, go stand next to the person you were once attracted to but is fat now.
**Paula goes to Dunbar, Sarah goes to Vinny, Priscilla goes to Nate**
TJ LAVIN - You'd think you'd have an advantage in this challenge, because you have more body mass with which to scrape honey off of. But you're actually at a disadvantage!
PAULA - Because it's difficult to touch our partners without vomiting?
TJ LAVIN - Exactly! You're a quick one, Paula.
After the Scraping Honey Off Body Parts to Squeeze Into A Jar Challenge...
TJ LAVIN - Nate and Priscilla, you lost the Scraping Honey Off Body Parts to Squeeze Into A Jar Challenge.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Not only that, you are automatically inferior for being rookies.
NATE - So we're inferior because we've only postponed having real lives for three days, rather than 10 years?
JOHNNY BANANAS - Um... **tries to think of a comeback** Shuddup!
TJ LAVIN - Johnny and Camilla, who are you sending into the dome to go up against them?
CAMILLA - Fire Crotch and Mystic Tan.
MANDI - Hey! This freakish shade of orange is my natural coloring.
WES - **looks down his pants** Same here.
TJ LAVIN - Ok, the four of you are going to jump over former Real World cast members as they're strapped to a giant octopus and hurled at you 37 miles per hour.
CORAL - I'm comin' for you, Fire Crotch.
TJ LAVIN - Ready, set, JUMP OVER FORMER REAL WORLD CAST MEMBERS AS THEY'RE STRAPPED TO A GIANT OCTOPUS AND HURLED AT YOU 37 MILES PER HOUR!
PRISCILLA - AHHH! It's Aiiiya from Real World Cancun!
AIIIYA - AHHH! It's that girl who made out with her mom once! **Priscilla jumps over her**
WES - **to Nehemiah being hurled at him** Hey, man. Missed you.
NEHEMIAH - Good to see you, too.
NATE - Knight from Real World New Orleans! My idol! **jumps over**
MANDI - That's your idol? Sad. Tricia from Real World Sydney! My idol! **jumps over**
PRISCILLA - Oh shit oh shit oh shit, here comes Willie from Real World Philadelphia!
NATE - Who?
PRISCILLA - He starred in the children's show "Ghostwriter." He played the - **gets knocked down by Willie from Real World Philadelphia**
NATE - Oh no! My makeout partner! **gets knocked down by Svetlana from Real World Key West** Fuck!
TJ LAVIN - Peace out, Nate and Priscilla.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Have fun getting real jobs, losers. **puts his hand up for hi-five, nobody takes him up on it**
TJ LAVIN - Next week, you'll be doing sex with your partner in a room full of your friends and family. So rest up.
JASMINE - **shatters picture frame on ground** BLAAAAAAH!
TJ LAVIN - Or don't rest up. Whatevs.
THE END.
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