Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Teen Mom 2 Episode 1 - "Best Laid Plans"

"Don't worry, baby. We can always live in my car."

In a parked car in front of Barbara's house...

JENELLE - I can't get you out of my head, baby Thinking about how you didn't finish high school, how you live in your car...

KEIFFER - Hey, now... I can't take all the credit. It's actually B-Dubs' car.

JENELLE - Right. I forgot. God, it gets me so hot, imagining you in front of the abandoned Blockbuster, dealing pot to sixth-graders.

KEIFFER -  What can I say? Gotta make cake. **they make out**

BARBARA - **from the front door**  I see you two out there!

JENELLE - Shit. It's that awful woman who took in my child when I was unwilling to care for him.

BARBARA  - You damn right is it! **dumps laundry on the lawn** Fyi, this is all clean.

JENELLE - Well, was clean.

BARBARA - Say goodbye to Jace, Jenelle. It's the last time you're going to see him.

JENELLE - Goodbye, Jace.

BARBARA - Huh. I thought you were gonna put up more of fight.

JENELLE  - Nah. I know where I'm meant to be. **looks to Keiffer**

KEIFFER  - **winks** Ready to hit up the food pantry again?

JENELLE - Was B-Dubs ready to let you sleep in his Caprice?

KEIFFER -  Not really. I left Cheeto dust in there last time.

JENELLE - Oh. Well, what I meant is, hell yeah!

KEIFFER  - Hope they have some of that sweet canned ham.

JENELLE - Me too, babe. Me too.  

Adam arrives at Chelsea's house... 

ADAM - Hey, gurl.

CHELSEA - **Giggle, squeal**

ADAM - You lookin' like you lost some weight in your perineum.

CHELSEA - I bet you say that to all the girls

ADAM -  Only the ones who birthed my child.

CHELSEA - **giggles** You so crazy.

ADAM - Gurl, when I come back from drinking in a cornfield with my bros, this shit is ON, you know what I'm saying? I'm gonna turn. You. OUT. **leaves**

CHELSEA - Mom, Adam and I are getting back together.

CHELSEA'S MOM - What the fuck? He's such a dick!

CHELSEA - But he's been winking and complimenting...

CHELSEA'S MOM  - Don't care. He's a scrub. And to quote Rozonda Thomas, "I don't want no scrubs".


CHELSEA'S MOM - Before your time.

CHELSEA  - But mom... He said I lost weight in my perineum!

CHELSEA'S MOM - That is fucking disgusting.

CHELSEA -  I think it's kind of sweet.

CHELSEA'S MOM - I know I shouldn't be saying this to my own daughter, but you are a fucking idiot.

CHELSEA  - Oh yeah? If I'm such an idiot, how am I able to care for Aubree?

**Aubree turns on oven, climbs in. Chelsea does not notice.**

CHELSEA - Huh? So you tell me that, smartypants.

CHELSEA'S MOM - Your child is inside the oven.

CHELSEA - Oh shit. One second.

In West Virginny...

LEAH - So, I'm thinking about getting a job.

COREY - What? Why would you do that?

LEAH - Well, we've been living in a trailer...

COREY  - This is West Virginia. Even the governor lives in a trailer.

LEAH - True.

COREY - And I prefer to call it a "manufactured home", thank you very much.

LEAH - I'm just so bored here all day.

COREY - You ingrate. So playing with beings that can't communicate with you and cooking my casseroles doesn't fulfill you? Is that what you're saying?

LEAH - No, it's very fulfilling. I'm just ready to use my brain a little more.

COREY - I bet you're ready to use your brain. On strange men, you little harlot!

LEAH - I don't understand what that means.

COREY - If I let you go out in public, next thing I know, men will be able to see you with their eyes. And then, next thing I know, you'll be talking to them with your mouth!

LEAH -  No! I'd never!

COREY - Forget it. No job for you.


LEAH  - Maybe if I got a job, I could buy you a new four wheeler.

COREY - Need a ride to your interview?

Kailyn picks Isaac up from Jo's house...

KAILYN - Thanks for getting him ready to go Trick or Treating.

JO - Sure. I really like his costume. Zebra?

KAILYN  - Giraffe. But close.

JO - Haha. Ok. Too cute.


JO - Man, this no drama thing is kinda boring, right?

KAILYN - Totally! I'm glad you feel the same.

JO  - Next week, ok?

KAILYN - For sure.


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