Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Real World San Diego Episode 9 - "All The Wrong Moves"

Sometimes, love just ain't enough.

In the hot tub...

ASHLEY - I like you, Michael. You're not like the other gays, always gyrating and saying "Hay girl haaay!"

ZACH - Yeah. You're normal, and don't even make me think of buttfucking.

MICHAEL - Aw! You guys are so sweet.

ASHLEY - We're just open minded. That's all.

FRANK - Baby, like everybody else in this hot tub, I love you. I'd never do anything to screw this up.

MICHAEL - Never?

FRANK - Never.

At da club... 

FRANK - Can I come over to your house and have sex with you?

TODD - You betcha.

At brunch...

ALEXANDRA - Hold on to your Native-American-inspired headband... We've got a surprise for you!

FRANK - What is it? Eggs Benedict?

ALEXANDRA - Nope! We flew in your boyfriend!

FRANK - But I just had sex with another guy an hour ago.

MICHAEL - I'm standing right behind you. I can hear you.

FRANK - Fuck.

MICHAEL - Uncool, bro.

FRANK - I'm sorry, but what can I do? I'm young, and relatively attractive for San Diego.

MICHAEL - You got "relatively" right. You wouldn't last a day in West Hollywood.

FRANK  -  So does this mean we're over?

MICHAEL -  I'm afraid it does.

FRANK - Ok. **calls Todd** Want to come to brunch?

MICHAEL  - Um, I'm still here. Like, sitting right next to you.

FRANK  - It's ok. He's at the gym anyway.

At the #Living launch party...

NATE - **on stage** Wassup San Diego!!!

CROWD - Wooooo!

NATE - Are y'all ready to party???

CROWD - Wooooo!

NATE - Put your drinks up!

CROWD - **with increasingly less enthusiasm** Wooooo...

NATE - It's time to get wiiild!

CROWD - **crickets**

SAM - Somebody needs to take the mic away from him.

NATE - Awww yeah, Hillcrest!!!

CROWD - **silence**  

PRISCILLA - I think he's finally done.

NATE - One two one two! Reversible watches in the heezy!


TRAVIS &TREVOR - **wrestle the microphone from Nate** Ooook! Thank you for that enthusiastic introduction, Nate! **whisper** Get the fuck off the stage.

**Models wearing #living shirts walk on the runway**

ZACH - Didn't I see that "model" passing out cologne samples outside Hollister?

ASHLEY - **walks down the runway** - Hashtag Living! T-shirts! Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle, yeah!

NATE - She's a natural.

MICHELLE - Great event, Nate. You're really getting out that anti-suicide message.

NATE - Ugh, I knew it! You want a relationship!

MICHELLE  - Huh? I was just congratulating you.

NATE - Listen, girl, you fine and all, but I'm a rockstar who can't be tied down.

MICHELLE - A rockstar? You just got your name affiliated with some shitty watches.

NATE - Now now. That's not very supportive.

MICHELLE - Why should I be supportive if we're not in a relation-

NATE - Shhh. Hush. I'm going to play ping pong with Zach for 45 minutes. You can sit on the couch and watch, if you want.


NATE   - Thanks, boss.

MICHELLE - Don't call me that.

The next day....

FRANK - Can we drop Todd off on the way to Subway?

ZACH - Nope. The only gay person I could stomach was Michael.

FRANK - So you're only not a homophobe when you like the person.

ZACH  - No, that's not it at all. I just think gay sex is gross unless it's with Michael.

FRANK - Good rebuttal.

TODD - Hey, guys, don't fight. It's no problem. I'll just, uh... walk. Four miles.

ZACH - You do that, skank. **runs to the bathroom**

FRANK - **hears sobbing** Zach? You ok?

ZACH  -  I just miss him so much.

FRANK  - Who? Are you crying about Michael?

ZACH  - No.

FRANK - Ok. See you later, I guess. There's a meatball sub on parmesan oregano with my name on it. I hope you're alright. **leaves**

ZACH  - Close the door. I want to be alone. **sobs** Stupid gay people and their sexy, nice personalities.


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