 |
| Happier times. |
At the Gansevoort Hotel NYC...
KIM KARDASHIAN - Well, it's been a week since our wedding. I think it's time.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Really? YES! As a Minnesota native - you know, the Land of 1,000 Lakes - I'm a huge fan of water sports. Let me just lie down here in the bath tub, and you can crouch over me...
KIM KARDASHIAN - No, idiot. I'm done with my birth control. It's a sign.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Sign that you need to refill your prescription?
KIM KARDASHIAN - A sign that it's time to start... trying.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Trying to refill your prescription? Just call CVS. They have a 24-hour hotline -
KIM KARDASHIAN - Trying to get pregnant! Jesus Christ, you're making me rethink wanting to combine your retardo genes with my own.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Whoa. I'm going to need a second for that to sink in. **takes a second** Alright! I'm ready to be a dad!
KIM KARDASHIAN - That was fast.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - When you're a stupid person, decisions come easily. This is so exciting!
KIM KARDASHIAN - I know! When it's born, we're going to take it to Disneyland, to the Getty, to Pink's for the Martha Stewart...
KRIS HUMPHRIES - To the Mall of America, to the Spam Museum, to Prince's house...
KIM KARDASHIAN - Wait, those places aren't in Los Angeles.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - No. They're in Minnesota. Where I've single-handedly decided we're going to raise children.
KIM KARDASHIAN - Yeah, not gonna happen. People are named Swen and Bjorn there. And they think gelatinous whitefish tastes good.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - Yep. It's great. This kid is gonna know how to make the best Hot Dish, and how to egg Jessica Lange's house on the regular.
KIM KARDASHIAN - Let's get something straight. I'm never moving to Minnesota. Never ever ever.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - But I am the husband, and that's what I want. So that's what we'll do.
KIM KARDASHIAN - I eat lutefisk for no man.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - You could really learn something from Khloe. She's down for her man, and will even bathe in a tub of candy for Lamar. She's a great role model for you!
KIM KARDASHIAN - She's fat, and talks like the little girl from Mrs Doubtfire. Not a role model.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - **traps Kim in Mason's cardboard house** Take time to think about what's really important. Life is about family, and treating them right.
KIM KARDASHIAN - And trapping them in cardboard houses.
KRIS HUMPHRIES - If that's what it takes, girl. If that's what it takes. **leaves to go to "practice"...**
On the Fourth Hour of the Today Show...
KRIS JENNER - Fuck Kathy Lee. KJ is here to stay!
HODA KOTB - She's actually coming back Thursday. Hysterectomy.
KRIS JENNER - Oh. Well, fuck her anyway. More Cab, please! **they complete the fourth hour of the show drunkenly**
SCOTT DISICK - Wow, Kris. I like how you handled yourself out there.
KRIS JENNER - That's nothing. You shoulda heard the shit I talked on Regis when he was getting his appendix removed.
SCOTT DISICK - I'm really impressed. This whole time I thought you were just a nag with a black mushroom on her head.
KRIS JENNER - "I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman.
SCOTT DISICK - Dayum. Chugs wine and quotes poetry?
KRIS JENNER - Nah, it was inscribed on the back of Matt Lauer's money clip. **takes clip out of her pocket to show Scott**
SCOTT DISICK - I think I'm in love.
KRIS JENNER - In love? But I'm your girlfriend's mom.
SCOTT DISICK - Have you heard about the kind of porn I watch? That doesn't even register on my kink radar.
KRIS JENNER - Well, if we're going to do something about it, better make it soon. Kourtney and Mason will be back from the Lion King at nine. **they make out**
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - **enters with Mason** What are you two doing?
SCOTT DISICK - Sex. We didn't think you'd be home until 9.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - The guy who plays Mufasa pulled a hammy.
KRIS JENNER - Bummer.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - Yep. Oh, Scott, make sure you throw the sheets in the washing machine.
SCOTT DISICK - Ok.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - And mom, don't go too hard. Your heart.
KRIS JENNER - Sure, hun.
**Kourtney returns to fussing over Mason while her mother and boyfriend have sex. It is a good day.**
The End.
No comments:
Post a Comment