Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Real World San Diego Episode 8 - "Stolen Show, Stolen Hearts, Stolen Motorcycles"

Priscilla takes a walk with Ron Weasley.

Dylan shows up at the house...

SAM - Hey man! Great drawstring backpack. Just great.

DYLAN - Thanks! Pac Sun from 2007.

NATE - Dyl Pickle! Lovin' the leather jacket! Brass Plum?

DYLAN -  Close. Morona.

NATE - Bitchin'!

ZACH - Wow, Dylan! Is that hair color natural? Or is it Just For Men's Ginger Dream?

DYLAN - Natural, but I put in a few Ginger Dream foils for highlights.

ZACH -  I... didn't know that was a real product. But, awesome!

NATE - Priscilla, what's it like to date such a man of style and grace?

PRISCILLA -  You have no -

FRANK  - **enters room** HAHAHAHA! Just when I thought Rupert Grint couldn't get any dorkier, he waltzes in wearing a Morona "leather" jacket.

DYLAN - What? Everyone's been complimenting me!

FRANK  - They're not serious, nerd.

ZACH  - It's true, bro. We were making fun of you and the neon blue briefs you left on the floor.

DYLAN - B-b-but I have a motorcycle! Doesn't that count for anything?

NATE - Correction. You had a motorcycle. 

DYLAN - **Peeks out window, sees his motorcycle is gone**  My bike! My prized $1700 bike! My grandma got it for me when my parents divorced!

ZACH  - He gone. Sorry.

WHITE TRASH NEIGHBOR - **rides by on Dylan's bike, blasting Boston's "More Than a Feeling"** Corn on the cob, bitches!

DYLAN  - Nooo! Grandma!

WHITE TRASH NEIGHBOR - Woooooooooo! **crashes bike into a brick wall, dies**

FRANK - Hmmm, maybe we should cool it with the practical jokes.

ZACH  - Huh? No way. He was the one driving while eating corn on the cob.

FRANK - True.

At Alex and the Hats "performance"...

ALEXANDRA - This one's for Zimbabwe! **sings slow, self-indulgent hipster song**

PRISCILLA - **slam dances inappropriately** I can't stop! The beat! It's infectious!

ALEXANDRA - **finishes hipster song** Thank you, Cincinnati! **gets off stage, breaks down in tears**

TOVAH - Why are you crying? That was amazing!

ALEXANDRA - I know! I just can't even believe how amazing I was!

THE HATS - We're not half-bad, either.

ALEXANDRA - Huh? Oh, you two. You can go now.

PRISCILLA - **still dancing, even though music ended five minutes ago** Alexandra, what's wrong?

ALEXANDRA - I'm crying because I finally realize how fantastic I am at performing.

NATE - **eating a hot dog**  Eh, don't give yourself too much credit. It was a free show with your friends and a few homeless dudes.

SAM - Hey, why don't you make like your great uncle and kill yourself?

NATE - Too soon, bro. Too soon.

In the phone room...

ALEXANDRA - Cousin! I made five hundred dollars for your school tuition!

COUSIN IN ZIMBABWE  - Cousin! That is wonderful! How did you do it?

ALEXANDRA - Well, it was a contest to see who could get the most strangers to touch their -

COUSIN - What?

ALEXANDRA - No, it's like, you get money by wearing a mid-riff top and asking -   

COUSIN  -  I do not understand.

ALEXANDRA  - No, my boss sent me out into the street to get people to touch my -

COUSIN - Cousin. We do not want to use that kind of dirty whore money for our schooling. Thank you, but no thank you. **hangs up**

ALEXANDRA - Damn language barrier. **uses money to buy more hats**

No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal