 |
| Priscilla takes a walk with Ron Weasley. |
Dylan shows up at the house...
SAM - Hey man! Great drawstring backpack. Just great.
DYLAN - Thanks! Pac Sun from 2007.
NATE - Dyl Pickle! Lovin' the leather jacket! Brass Plum?
DYLAN - Close. Morona.
NATE - Bitchin'!
ZACH - Wow, Dylan! Is that hair color natural? Or is it Just For Men's Ginger Dream?
DYLAN - Natural, but I put in a few Ginger Dream foils for highlights.
ZACH - I... didn't know that was a real product. But, awesome!
NATE - Priscilla, what's it like to date such a man of style and grace?
PRISCILLA - You have no -
FRANK - **enters room** HAHAHAHA! Just when I thought Rupert Grint couldn't get any dorkier, he waltzes in wearing a Morona "leather" jacket.
DYLAN - What? Everyone's been complimenting me!
FRANK - They're not serious, nerd.
ZACH - It's true, bro. We were making fun of you and the neon blue briefs you left on the floor.
DYLAN - B-b-but I have a motorcycle! Doesn't that count for anything?
NATE - Correction. You had a motorcycle.
DYLAN - **Peeks out window, sees his motorcycle is gone** My bike! My prized $1700 bike! My grandma got it for me when my parents divorced!
ZACH - He gone. Sorry.
WHITE TRASH NEIGHBOR - **rides by on Dylan's bike, blasting Boston's "More Than a Feeling"** Corn on the cob, bitches!
DYLAN - Nooo! Grandma!
WHITE TRASH NEIGHBOR - Woooooooooo! **crashes bike into a brick wall, dies**
FRANK - Hmmm, maybe we should cool it with the practical jokes.
ZACH - Huh? No way. He was the one driving while eating corn on the cob.
FRANK - True.
At Alex and the Hats "performance"...
ALEXANDRA - This one's for Zimbabwe! **sings slow, self-indulgent hipster song**
PRISCILLA - **slam dances inappropriately** I can't stop! The beat! It's infectious!
ALEXANDRA - **finishes hipster song** Thank you, Cincinnati! **gets off stage, breaks down in tears**
TOVAH - Why are you crying? That was amazing!
ALEXANDRA - I know! I just can't even believe how amazing I was!
THE HATS - We're not half-bad, either.
ALEXANDRA - Huh? Oh, you two. You can go now.
PRISCILLA - **still dancing, even though music ended five minutes ago** Alexandra, what's wrong?
ALEXANDRA - I'm crying because I finally realize how fantastic I am at performing.
NATE - **eating a hot dog** Eh, don't give yourself too much credit. It was a free show with your friends and a few homeless dudes.
SAM - Hey, why don't you make like your great uncle and kill yourself?
NATE - Too soon, bro. Too soon.
In the phone room...
ALEXANDRA - Cousin! I made five hundred dollars for your school tuition!
COUSIN IN ZIMBABWE - Cousin! That is wonderful! How did you do it?
ALEXANDRA - Well, it was a contest to see who could get the most strangers to touch their -
COUSIN - What?
ALEXANDRA - No, it's like, you get money by wearing a mid-riff top and asking -
COUSIN - I do not understand.
ALEXANDRA - No, my boss sent me out into the street to get people to touch my -
COUSIN - Cousin. We do not want to use that kind of dirty whore money for our schooling. Thank you, but no thank you. **hangs up**
ALEXANDRA - Damn language barrier. **uses money to buy more hats**
No comments:
Post a Comment