Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 12 - "The Great Divide"

Taylor's party is so awesome that Stevie Ray Vaughan came back from the dead to attend. photo - bravotv.com

At a ranch in Malibu for a five year-old's birthday party...

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - High-mee! Where the fuck is High-mee?!

JAIME - Who are you looking for, miss?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - High-mee. He's got the kids tables.

JAIME - Oh. That's me. It's pronounced "Chigh-May."

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Do I look like I care about how you say stuff in Mexican?

JAIME - It's Spanish. And I'm from Guatemala.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Again, don't care. Right now, all I care about is making sure 150 white children have somewhere to sit while their parents get drunk on Goose n' soda.

JAIME - I've got the tables. No worries. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - AHHHHHH! **jumps in his arms, rubs his penis** I love you I love you I love you I love you! 

JAIME - Whoa. Saving a social climber from embarrassment is where it's at, apparently!  

DANA WILKEY - I'm here! **sees Taylor with Jaime** Taylor! What are you doing?

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Uh, this Mexican guy just sexually assaulted me! **pushes Jaime away** Cerdo!  

DANA WILKEY - Phew. For s second there I thought you were touching him willingly. Look! I brought Ace Young!


DANA WILKEY - He's from American Idol from five years ago.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Will it impress Kyle and Mauricio? 

DANA WILKEY - Yes, I think so. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Good enough for me. 

ACE YOUNG - Hey, pretty skinny lady. I got this song about how every day is a birthday when you're thinking about how your kid came out of your vagina once. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **starts to cry** That's just... so beautiful. 

ACE YOUNG - Paula Abdul had the same reaction. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - You know Paula Abdul? 

ACE YOUNG - Yep. And Randy Jackson. Dawg. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Whoa. You really are somebody. **jumps in his arm, rubs his penis** 

RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Taylor, we're presenting Kennedy with her new horse at four. 


RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - So I see. Well, let me know when you're done. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Don't you even care that I'm rubbing Ace Young's penis? 


TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - From American Idol from five years ago. 

RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Oh. No. But if it was David Archuleta, we'd have a problem. **walks away** 

ACE YOUNG - Dude, your husband's pretty cool. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - He's ok, when he's not trying to throw me into the bathtub. 

KENNEDY - Mommy! This is the best toy! Thank you! **is playing with a piece of manure** 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Kennedy, NO! That's not a toy! Here, look at the pretty Tiffany's brooch I bought you! 

KENNEDY - But I love the brown toy.

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Mommy spent $45,000 on a party for 250 of our closest friends! There's even a mechanical bull for you to look sexy on! Now have fun, dammit!

KENNEDY - **smears manure on her face** Yaaaay! 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - You ungrateful little bitch! **throws Kennedy in a pile of hay. gets some horse dung on her leather vest. Turns back to Ace** Now, where were we? 

ACE YOUNG - I, uh... gotta go. It's time for my song. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **sobs** No! Please don't go!   

ACE YOUNG  - Sorry. You smell too much like horse poop. Reminds me of my mother. **leaves** 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **collapses** I'm going to be alone forever! 

DANA WILKEY - Taylor? Some rich influential-looking people just showed up to wish Kennedy a happy birthday. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **looks up** Huh? Where? 

DANA WILKEY - Over by the mock ghost town. 

TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Thanks. See ya. **runs to greet people**


No comments:

Post a Comment

web statistics
Wall Street Journal