Kim & Kourtney Take New York Episode 1 - "The Honeymoon is Over"

Kris hates living at a free luxury hotel with two beautiful women.

KRIS HUMPHRIES - Aw, man! I have to live with Patrick Bateman, a baby, and two women. Yuck! 

KIM KARDASHIAN - Yeah, life really sucks when you stay for free in a luxury hotel with two hot chicks who don't wear a lot of clothes sometimes. 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - See? This is why we're married. You get me. **burps in her face** 

KIM KARDASHIAN - Ew. Smells like Minnesota. Get dressed, we've got to get going. 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - Get going? I thought we were just going to spend the day with me throwing stuff on the floor and you picking it up after me. 

KIM KARDASHIAN - No, we've got a launch party at Capitale. Scott even trimmed his pubes for this. 

SCOTT DISICK - It's true. **pulls down his pants to show his shorn scrotum** 

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - And I got a Pepsi Cola enema. **leaks Pepsi on Kris's bed** 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - GROSS! You leaked Santorum on our marital bed! 

SCOTT DISICK - That's not Santorum. It's only Santorum after anal intercourse. If you want to see some Santorum, come look in my - 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - Enough. I've heard enough. 

NAKED YOGA INSTRUCTOR - I haven't. 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - Who are you? 

NAKED YOGA INSTRUCTOR - Isn't it obvious? I'm the naked yoga instructor. 

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - He's here to teach us naked yoga. 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - What the fuck? Listen, I can't handle this openness. I'm from the upper Midwest, where we repress feelings and never look each other in the eye. 

KIM KARDASHIAN - Then maybe you should go back there. 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - Maybe I will. **calls Mom** Mommeeeeee! They're being mean to meeeee! I'm coming hooooooome! **he leaves** 

KIM KARDASHIAN - Phew! The dickhead's GONE! 

EVERYBODY - WHOOOO!


**They all celebrate by playing with Mason's noisy wooden toys, sticking oil enema's in each other's assholes, shaving armpits, and dipping their Blackberrys in olive oil**  

KRIS HUMPHRIES - I'm back! Baby, I'm so sorry. I've been such an idiot.


**Nobody notices Kris has returned. They continue to roll around naked with the yoga instructor while leaking ass oil on the state map of Minnesota** 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - Um... baby? I'm back. This is the point where you're supposed to welcome me home and whiff my farts.


**Still, nobody notices** 

KRIS HUMPHRIES - Ok. If anybody needs me, I'll be at the gym, missing every shot I take.

**Kris leaves, and the world is a happier place without his stupid face**

THE END.