Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Real World San Diego Episode 6 - "Pride and Prejudice"

Friday Night Reading Lights. photo -

At the Lesbian Highlighter Party...

NATE - Lesbians! Highlighters! WOOOO!

FRANK - Zach and Ashley don't know what they're missing!

ALEXANDRA - Well, it's literally called The Lesbian Highligher Party, so they probably know what they're missing.

FRANK  - Shhhh. San Diego has the BEST gay scene in the United States!!!


SAM - He's from Vermont.


HOT LESBIAN BRIT - **approaches Sam** Oh, you must be Lonnie's son!

SAM -No, I am a grown female.

BRIT - Good, cuz I was feeling that shit, and Lonnie would kill me. Plus, her son is a minor. **they make out**

MICHAEL, FRANK'S NEW FRIEND - I'll have what she's having.

FRANK - I don't get it.

MICHAEL - Nevermind.

FRANK -  Hey, man, I don't know what kind of ideas you're getting, but I'm not gay. I'm bisexual.

MICHAEL - Haha. So you're still stuck in that "I'm bisexual" stage, huh?

FRANK - A stage? If it was a stage, could I do this? **touches a girl's boob, pukes** 

MICHAEL -  Let me just come to your home, just for an hour, and I'll have you sprinting out of the closet.

FRANK - Gee, I dunno, I - **Michael tickles Frank's taint** - OK, let's go!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Zach and Ashley read books...

ZACH - Reading Falconer is so much better than watching a man toss glitter on other men at a retarded parade.

ASHLEY - Are you at the part where he starts an affair with a fellow male prisoner yet?

ZACH - **takes his hand out from under the blanket** Wha? No. Not there yet. I, uh, didn't know it was that kind of book.

ASHLEY - I've gotta say, I was surprised you picked it out of the discount stack at the ol' B and N.

ZACH - What are you suggesting? That I like gay literature? HUH? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

ASHLEY - No! I would never question you! You are my master! **hits herself in the head repeatedly** So stupid, Ash! So stupid!

ZACH - Yes. Stupid, stupid girl. Girls are stupid. **puts hand back under the blanket, then quickly takes it out**  I meant, uh, I love pussy. 

The next night at the house...

TREVOR AND TRAVIS - Hey, Nate! It's us, Trevor and Travis! The creators of the reversible watch with a message! **they embrace**

NATE - **points to gay mohawk man** And who might this be?

TREVOR AND TRAVIS - This is Trent. We picked him up off the street because he looks like someone who's probably considered suicide.

TRENT - Many, many times.

NATE - Well, I've got a lot of great ideas for the blog. Moms of dead kids can anonymously write about their dead kids! And -

TRENT - **interrupting** Hey, is that Apple Pucker?

TREVOR AND TRAVIS  - It is!  Tits. **Triple T takes a triple sip**

NATE - Trent, do you want to tell me more of your story? For the blog?

TRENT - I'm busy. **injects Apple Pucker into his veins**

On the balcony...

FRANK - Thank you so much for coaxing me out of the closet. How will I ever repay you?

MICHAEL - I can think of a few ways...

FRANK - Oh, you! So, um.... I know we've only been acquainted for three hours and I'm not entirely sure what your last name is (Jenkins?), but... I love you.

MICHAEL - **grabs a chunk o' chest hair**  Aw. That's sweet. **they kiss**

ZACH - **walks in wearing a canary-colored headband** What the FUCK?!

FRANK  - Hey man, how about some privacy?

ZACH - What in Sarah Palin's name are you even DOING?

MICHAEL  - What, do you want me to describe it to you?

ZACH  - Yes. I mean, no, GROSS!  **just stands there**

FRANK - Why are you still standing there, watching?

ZACH - I'm not watching! Ew! **stands and watches** 

ASHLEY - **enters** What the hell? Zach, are you, like, watching them do it?!

ZACH - No! Gotta go. **to Michael** Drive safe. **Runs off**

FRANK - He's really making progress.


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